(Finding Myself In You) Chapter 3: Conquering My Fears

FAN FICTION

For the last couple months, Logan has been going on morning runs to clear her mind for the big day. With tomorrow being the day, she expands her run to five miles. When Logan gets back to the apartment Ann notices that she is approaching. Ann goes through some mail and puts Logan’s mail on the counter while saying, “how was your run?”
“I did quite a bit of thinking but I don’t know if my mind feels clear,” Logan says giggling as she walks towards the elevators.
“Make sure you read the sign, don’t use the left elevator, it’s not working well. They’re supposed to come in sometime today and fix it,” Ann yells.
Those words were enough for Logan to take a few steps back as Logan’s fear of isolation starts to kick in. All she remembers being stuck in a box, and not being able to come out. If anyone even mentions any type of isolation, she will avoid it completely. As soon as those words come out of Ann’s mouth, Logan decides she rather go up a flight of steps than to get stuck in an elevator.
As she opens a door to go up the staircase, Michael walks up behind her and says, “Why are you taking the steps?”
She turns back to him with no sudden expression and says, “Ann said the elevator is acting funny so I’m taking the steps.”
“She said the left elevator is acting funny,” Michael laughs.
“Yeah, but I rather not take my chances. So, I’m taking the stairs,”
“Stop being so scared,” he says as grabs her hand and heads to the elevator.
“Michael you seriously don’t get it, I can’t take the elevator,” she says while pulling away.
“Nothing’s going to happen to you. I got you,” he says as he smiles at her.
They lock eyes for a quick minute before the elevator opens. Logan takes a step back afraid to walk in. Michael grabs her hand tight; Michael says. “I got you.” They both walk into the elevator and Logan turns towards the elevator doors, watching as the door closes. Her heart starts beating out of her chest, her hands start sweating, and she begins to hyperventilate. When Michael realizes it more serious than he thought. He puts his hands around her speaking directly into her ear, “you’re OK, we’re going up, nothing’s happening.” He continues pointing to the numbers moving, “look at the numbers.” Logan starts to focus her attention to the numbers as they go up one, two, three, four. She begins to calm down with every number change. Suddenly the elevator jerked and stopped at the fourth floor. In the moment her whole body feels like it’s seizing up and she can’t move. Michael starts to speak to her, but nothing is getting through to her. She remains still as a block. Michael turns her towards him and starts shaking her and calling her name multiple times. After a few minutes, she snaps back into the moment. Her worst nightmare has become her reality. She is stuck in isolation with no way to escape.

“Logan! Pay attention to me,” Michael says. “Listen to my voice. Logan look at me.”
“Michael why are we not moving?” Logan says looking around the elevator as if there was some way that she can get out.
“The elevator is broken. I spoke to someone and they’re going to get us out of here as soon as possible”
“Michael, I can’t be stuck in here! I can’t be stuck in here,” Logan says walking in circles frantic.
Michael grabs each of her hands and holds them tight, “Logan I got you…take deep breaths.”
“I can’t be stuck in here,” Logan mentions again.
“Just listen to my voice, follow what my voice is telling you to do,” Michael says with a smile. “Take deep breaths, in and out.”
Logan begins to follow Michael’s voice and repeats everything he says. She tries to control her thoughts. She finally pulls it together until she starts thinking deep again and says, “I’m going to die in here. I don’t want to die alone.”
“Look at me! You’re not dying and you’re not alone. I’m right here. If you can’t see me listen to my voice. I am here and I’m not going anywhere I’m in here with you. We are both stuck in here together. Whatever happens to you will happen to me.”
After about 20 minutes of consoling Logan, Michael finally gets her to calm down. Now she’s in a corner rocking back-and-forth playing with their fingers as Michael is talking to the firefighters. Once they’re off the call Michael goes in the corner with Logan and sits as close as he can. “I’m back, Micheal says, I’m right here with you.”
Logan doesn’t say a word she just sits there silently rocking back and forth. Michael sits directly in front of her and curls up just like her and places his hands-on top of hers. For a few moments he just sits there holding her hand then he slowly let’s her hand go to move her head up to look into her eyes. He notices Logan’s forehead and face is drenched with sweat. Unbothered by the sweat, Michael places his head slowly to hers. When he finally gets her attention, he speaks to her calmly and slowly. There’s no space between them for her to avoid and ignore him. The words that come out of his mouth directly fall into hers and she’s forced to listen.
“Listen to my voice,” Michael says.
Logan doesn’t respond or even acknowledge Michael; she’s just rocking back-and-forth and Michael grabs her hand again and turns her face to look directly into his eyes. She still has tears slowly falling down her face. Michael wipes each eye and says, tell me something about yourself that no one else knows
Finally, Logan is looking directly at him as tears fall down her face again as Michael slowly wipes them away
I’m waiting and don’t say you’re scared of small spaces, Michael says with a smile
Logan stops rocking back-and-forth takes a deep breath then says, I’ve always wanted to just go to the islands and sit and watch the tides on the beach
That’s good, that’s what I want you to think about, you and me on the beach together watching the tides. We’re not in the elevator, we’re on the beach together, close your eyes and just think of that.
Logan tries her best to focus on Michael. She starts to breathe really hard, but Michael grabs her hand tighter and says, think of the tides. She takes a deep breath and she starts thinking about the island with her and Michael together sipping from coconuts laughing and enjoying life. For a few moments she even imagined him holding her in the room in the most romantic way. As she is imagining him about to kiss her the elevator doors open, and she quickly opens her eyes. Michael turns around in complete shock, stands up and then lifts Logan from the ground. it’s all over, he says as he pulls her out of the elevator. I told you it’s just you and me nothing was going to happen to you as long as I’m here. As Logan feels the fresh air from the hallway, she takes a deep breath and snaps out of her daze. When she realizes that she’s no longer on the elevator she looks around takes another breath and then a sigh of relief as she hugs Michael as tight as she can, thank you she says, “thank you so much.”
Michael hugs her back and says, “I didn’t do anything, it was all you, you conquered your fear all I did was stand here and talk to you, but you did all the hard work. You believed in yourself and you got out of it safe.”
Turner comes running through the front doors of the building, with a concerned look on his face. Once he gets a visual of Logan, he runs up to her and says, “are you OK?”
“I’m fine,” she says she looks at Turner, “how did you know I was stuck in the elevator?”
Ann called me when the elevator stopped. I was at work, but I left immediately. I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier.
“It’s fine,” Logan says, “there’s nothing you could’ve done anyway. You came all the way up here because I was stuck in an elevator?”
“Yes, of course I came . If you need me I’m going to be here for you, you should know that by now,” Turner says.
“What happened? How are you able to handle it all?”
Logan turns and looks at Michael saying, “My neighbor Michael was in the elevator with me. He really helped me through it all. I thought I was literally going to die and he brought me back to life.”
“Thank you, for taking care of her,” Turner says.
Michael doesn’t say anything he just nods and head.
Turner slowly walks with Logan up the stairs to the eighth floor. He takes her to the house, goes into the bathroom and runs her a warm bath. Once he takes her into the bathroom, he slowly takes each piece of clothing off and tells her to step into the bathtub. She sits down in the soapy water and doesn’t say a word. It’s as if she’s not in control of her body like a zombie. He turns around so he can wash her from head to toe.
After her bath he gets her dressed and carries her to bed like a scared young child. He puts her down gently then he gently curls up next to her. As their bodies meet her body seems to relax. She feels comfortable with Turner. The next morning, she wakes up with Turner lying next to her. Their usual routine has now been reunited. There’s a comforting feeling when Turner is next to her.

FAN FICTION

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Chapter 10: Its Because I Love You (The Real Me)

Christina

After my altercation with Omar, I now know, it is time for me to get away. I pack my bags and head straight to the airport. Back home is the best place for me right now, I ran away for a long time, but it seems to always give me relief when I go back. Not permanently, but to clear my head. My destination is Los Angeles California. There, I have a different life. One that I tried so hard to escape. Sometimes it’s just good to see your loved ones, to remind you of the importance in life. Although I won’t be spending, too much time there, I still want to see them. I plan to stay at the Lorder Hotel, for about a month. I could just go to the apartment that I have there. This is the one place Omar, can never seem to pinpoint me unless, I was staying with my parents.

I head to the hotel and check in. I don’t have to do much, because of my family. They’re just always glad to have me stay there. That’s why they allow me to use a different surname. All to ensure I can keep some form of privacy. Now that I’m thinking about it, that’s probably the reason Omar can never find me. The manager at the hotel is super sweet, and really makes a girl feel welcomed. Once I check in, I go to my room and take a long hot shower. As I’m standing in the shower for a bit, the phone starts to ring. After I ignore the first two rings, it continues. Irritated I turn off the water, step out of the shower, and dry off while heading to the phone. When I pick it up, the voice on the other end says in an accusatory tone, “when were you going to tell me you’re in town?”

Rolling my eyes, as I look at the phone, “Mom I literally just landed, how do you even know I’m here?”

My mother replies, “As smart as you are, sometimes I feel like I dropped you on your head at some point. Who’s paying for your hotel?”

“Goodbye mom”, I say as I get ready to hang up the phone.

“No, I’m sorry sweetheart”, she says in time to stop me from pressing the end button. Putting the phone back to my ear, hearing the silence, she knows that she can continue, “Your father and I want you to come over for dinner. I’m making all of your favorites.”

“You didn’t even know, I was coming. How are you making all my favorites?”, I ask crossing my arms awaiting her clever response.

“I just had Lora go to the store, to buy all your favorite foods. Even though, I wish you would stay here, instead of going to one of those hotels”, she says disappointed. “Do you know how embarrassing it is, to have the manager of one hotel that you donate to, call you and say that your daughter is staying there?”

“No mom, I don’t know…tell me how embarrassing it is?”, I say waiting for her to respond.

“Sorry sweetheart, I’m just saying”, she says trying to make herself sound sincere continuing, “And your brother misses you, he really wants to see you.”

“That’s funny because, I haven’t gotten a phone call from him ever”, I say sarcastically.

“Who’s the oldest sibling? I think you should be calling him”, she states. This is the moment where my mom tries to make me feel bad, for not being the big sister that they expect me to be.

“Here we go again, bye mom”, I throw my hands up, and shake my head.

“Will I be seeing you tonight?”, my mother asked right before ending our lovely conversation.

“Yes mother, I’ll come tonight for dinner”, I respond trying to get her off the phone.

“Now was that so hard, love you sweetheart see you later”, she says.

I’m upset the manager called my mother. That’s never happened before. Which must mean that my mother, has been searching for me for a while, and has everyone on the lookout. I hate when she does things like this. This is why I moved to New York, in the first place, to get away from all this. To start my own life, and make my own money, and do what I want to do.

I get dressed and head out on the town. My first destination is to my friend Dana, owner of Dana’s diner. Originally owned by her parents, was handed down to her when she graduated college. At first, they started off with only one diner but now she managed to expand the business to four different locations. One in San Diego, San Francisco, San Jose, and Los Angeles. The diner, named after Dana herself is well known to be the haven for celebrities to get a quick bite. It’s also known for catering exclusive events. If you ask anyone in California, they must know about Dana’s.

My father was in the military for Twenty years. Once he got out, my parents used all the funds they’ve saved and put it into their dream, a PR company. Just like Dana, I was supposed to take control of my parents’ business, but I have different plans. My parents are well known in the entertainment industry for PR in consulting work. In the beginning they started off small, with just a few clients. Then they got their big break when they worked with Jay Z. After that, business started booming for them. Their life became everything they’ve hoped for, but I had no interest in taking over the business, its boring to me. I know many people would consider working with celebrities an honor but, I’ve been around it my whole life. I can’t see myself doing this, for the rest of my life. My decision has brought them so much anger, to know that I did everything in my power to steer away from the family business. Although in my eyes, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal because, I’m adopted. My younger brother however, is their biological child. I know, I shouldn’t say it like that but, I think he deserves to have the business more than I do, and if you ask him, I guarantee he would say the same thing.

Once I arrive at what I knew to be the diner, I recognized nothing. The only marker left to show me that, I was in the right place sat on top of the storefront. There it is, “Dana’s” written in big letters. Definitely not the old storefront, that I’m used to, a brand new one with cursive italic words. A smile appears on my face when I look at the sign, then I walk into the diner and look around. To see a brand new renovated restaurant. It was bright and lively, with all the bodies that sat inside. I still feel the same energy as before. but with a more modernized feel. I had no doubt that Dana would, make this place her own, and that’s exactly what she did. I’m so proud of her. I spoke to her assistant earlier this morning, and she told me that Dana would possibly be at the Los Angeles location, for meetings. Although she has other locations, Los Angeles is home to her, so that’s where her office remains.

Walking to the main counter, where there is a young blonde girl taking orders, over the phone. When she spots me, she smiles and I could see her mouth saying, ” give me a minute”. I smile at her, indicating for her to take her time. I sat down on the first stool I spotted, patiently awaiting her assistance. As I get comfortable, looking around I’m drawn to the menu on the table. Looking through the menu, I see triple the amount of entrées that were once available for customers. Just reading through the menu, begins to make me hungry. Dana is definitely doing her thing with these diners. My eyes are glued to the menu, I hear the sound of heels clicking on the floor, getting closer. I look to put a face to the noise. As I look up I see Dana talking to one of her employees, close to the kitchen area. I quickly put down the menu and hop up off of the stool. Walking over to her, where her back is facing me and I interrupt, ” excuse me ma’am

Dana

Dana stops and turns around. Before she could speak a smile appears on her face, and she hugs me tight, “OMG, What are you doing here?”, she says before letting me go.

” I just thought it was time, to come home for a little bit.”

” yeah?! I know what  that means, there’s way more to the story than that”, she says crossing her arms.

I don’t respond, I just put my head down and cover my face with my left hand. I can never lie to her. That’s when she says, ” don’t worry about it we have enough time to get into the details”, she then looks back at her employee and says, “James we’ll finish this later”, he nodded his head and walks away then she turn back to me and continues, “OK so how are you?”

“I’m not sure I’m as good as you’re doing”, I say as I look around the diner smiling

“Oh you mean this old place, I only did a few renovations”, she says.

She guides us to sit in a booth that is across from where we are standing. As we sit down she looks at me for a few moments before speaking again, “I can’t believe you’re actually here”.

I think when I moved, the person that took it the hardest was Dana. Although she didn’t verbally tell me exactly how she felt. I knew that me moving was going to strongly impact her life. As I said before we did everything together, she was my backbone. She knew everything that was going on in my household and she knew how I felt. She never judged me or made me feel like less of a person, she was always there for me. As I sit down looking in her eyes, and she just stares back at me. I can see the happiness but I can also see the hurt in her eyes. I know I’d love to say, Victoria’s my best friend, but while I’m sitting here with Dana, I realize that this is going to remind me, of what a best friend really is. No secrets, no lies, just loyalty and love. I reach out and hold Dana’s hands, ” I needed to get away from the New York life, it was draining me.”

“I can imagine.”

“It Just feels good to be back here, with my real family.”

“So you know what this means right?”

“Oh yes! It’s been forever since we partied together and tonight is the night”, she said before she continues, ” I already have a table, with a few ladies. I would love for you to join us. I take that back you will be joining us”, she said demanding.

“Oh I should’ve been prepared for this.”

” I agree, but we still have time to get you out of it”, she said before she popped up from the table then saying, “I have a lot of meetings to do today, so I gotta go. But I will see you at 10.”

After leaving the diner, I drove around LA, for a bit before heading to my parents house. Entering into the compound, I knew that I would have to become a different person. Those few moments slowly dragging by as I park my car in front of my parents house. This is what people call anxiety at its best. I have no idea why This happens to me every time I go home. Taking a few moments to collect my thoughts, then getting out of the car. As I look around, everything looks exactly the same way I left it. I guess mom wanted everything to remain the same. As I’m reconnecting with the environment, I hear the front door open, turning around I spot my brother Jordan, standing at the double doors. Before actually walking up to him, we look at one another for a few moments in silence. Until he finally broke his intimidating frown, and walk down the steps to hug me.

Jordan

“What made you, decide to come back home?”, he says before letting go of me.

“I’m not coming back home, I’m just visiting.”

“However you want to say it, what made you decide to visit us?”

“I thought it was well overdue.”

“I could’ve told you that”, he says walking back up the steps to the front door, then turning back at me to say, “are you just gonna stand there, or are you going to come in the house? You’re not a stranger”. I don’t respond I just follow behind him, into the house closing the door behind myself.

Our huge chandelier, hung from the ceiling, as bright as can be. The steps meet like a bridge, from both ends of the wall. Beneath it was a walkway giving access to the kitchen. The floor and steps are marble and the walls are painted tan. My mother is all about elegance, everything in our house, is made to perfection for the eyes of our viewers. My mother was a woman of class and opinion. As opinionated as she is, she made sure her house was always setting the standard, for any possible guest that may be passing through. I continue walking into the house, making my way to the kitchen, where everyone is standing around the table. As I entered the room, all eyes turn to me. My father eventually pulls out the seat next to him, indicating for me to come sit down. I smile and walk over to the seat, gently sitting down and looking back at him. He smiles as he pushes my chair in. Sitting down next to me, as he looks at my mother who is sitting directly across from him, though i was so close to her, I wouldn’t look directly into my mother’s eyes. We all were around the table, staring at one another. This is the norm in my house, everything is always completely awkward until someone breaks the silence. Multiple times than none, it’s my father. For some reason he actually believes he’s funny, although super corny it’s just what we need, to get the family talking.

“So Christina, i hear you’re popping in the streets these days?”

I slowly turn my head to make direct eye contact, “what?”

“What’s Poppin?!” my dad says, hoping to get a laugh out of someone.

“Dad no”, I reply, but he just looks at me as if he did nothing wrong, that’s when I continue, “please don’t say that again”. He’s still looking at me wondering why. My brother, just shakes his head, and grinned the entire time.

“Can someone just say grace, so that I can start eating please?”, mother said with a complete attitude.

“I’ll Say grace”, Jordan says smiling as he puts his hand out for my parents to hold them. My father displayed a great smile as he placed his left hand, on top of my brothers right hand. My mother gracefully smiled and placed her hand upon my brothers right hand, and held it tight. I followed up and held both my mother, and my father’s hand. Together we are binded, and sharing this moment to acknowledge Christ, and what he means to us. We slowly followed up with, the bowing of our heads and closing our eyes. A few moments pass, and my brother begins praying, “heavenly father, we thank you for allowing us to be together again. For my sister to come back home and have dinner with us, like old times. Heavenly father I pray we enjoy our meal and thank our mother for the wonderful job she did with the food. Amen”. We all repeat Amen, before opening our eyes.

“Thank you son, for blessing the food, Now let’s dig in”, my mother says proudly.

As the food is being distributed, my mother took no time to begin her interrogation, “So, what’s the real reason for this reunion?”

“There wasn’t supposed to be a reunion, but you insisted that I come over here. So technically that’s the real reason for the reunion.”

“You will watch your tone when your in this house”, my father interjected as he pointed his fork in my direction, ” do you understand me?”

“Yes, I understand.”

After we got through our awkward stage, we had a nice family dinner. We laugh, joke, and talk about all the things that I’ve missed while I haven’t been around. My father wants to hear about everything that I’ve been doing in New York. My mother acting as if she’s engaged, but try to hold back her obnoxious comments. My brother asking question after question is if he just found his best friend. I’m glad we could sit down and have this amazing meal together, but the truth is always the same. After dinner I head to what was my old bedroom. Everything looks exactly the same. I take a shower, to get ready for my interesting night with Dana.

I put the finishing touches to my outfit, looking at myself in the mirror, and smiling at what I see. I’m wearing a, long sleeve, tight fitted, one piece suit made of metallic silver. I could see every curve in the mirror. I topped it with my favorite black stiletto heels. My hair is pinned up in a neat bun, accentuating my bone structure. I added an elegant pearl earring.

The next thing I know, Dana barges in my room, making a grand entrance, ” The queen has arrived”. She takes one look at me, begins yelling out as she skips over to me, ” that’s my best friend, that’s my best friend, you betta”, she said as she walked around me clapping. She knows exactly what to say to give me hyped up. As I listen to her chanting and clapping, I start dancing and twerking in front of her. She says laughing, ” I swear we think alike”, I say as I look her up and down. She’s wearing an all black long sleeve one piece.

As we stepped outside, still laughing, I see an all black Escalade sitting in front of the door, with a man in a suit waiting with his hands folded. We stepped down the steps and straight into the black vehicle.

I’m very surprised to see that Dana had a driver, she was always the type to want to driver self around. I guess a lot has changed since I’ve left, hopefully for the better. The drive to the club, didn’t have much talking. Dana just kept pouring champagne and drinking, bump into the music. I won’t lie, I took a few sips of champagne and vibe to the music, but I was more worried about what I was going to see once I got into the club. When we pulled up to the front of the club, the driver open the door for us. I smiled at him as I got out and Dana followed. There was tight rope on two sides, leading to the entrance way by the red carpet. On the side there are lines wrapped around the building with people waiting to get in. As usual we just step to the front, Dana hugs the bouncer before both of us walk in. As we step into the club, it’s full wall-to-wall people. A young lady that works there, guides Dana and I to our table. The table is sort of, in front of the stage but secluded from the rest of the club. The young lady moves the tight rope for us to sit down. Already at the table there were about four women. I have never met anyone of these ladies before. When they saw Dana’s face, they all got excited and rushed up to hug her. I just found a comfortable seat and sat down, while Dana interacted with her associates. As I’m pouring myself some champagne, Dana introduces her associates to me. I smile and nod my head as if I’m totally interested, in meeting them.

“Hi! Dana talks about you all the time”, One of the young lady says and she hugs me tight. I’m a little thrown off by her enthusiasm. The other young lady follows up and hugs me also, but doesn’t say anything but smile. Where the hell did Dana find these, goofy ass girls. They’re cute, but nothing about them really stands out to me. After the introduction, I make my way to the dance floor. On my third glass of champagne it begins to kick in. I began dancing my life away, that’s when I noticed an attractive male staring at me as I dance. I know, I said that I wouldn’t focus on men while in LA, but the way he staring at me, makes me want to rethink things a bit. I break eye contact with him and get Dana’s attention to join me on the dance floor, but she was preoccupied with some other guy. I can’t fully make out what he looks like. After spending a few moments trying to get her attention, I decided to walk over to her to realize that she’s talking to my brother Jordan. I’m a bit confused, because Jordan was in the house when I left. When did he have time to get ready? And why is Dana and him so close to one another? A bunch of thoughts begin roaming through my head.

As I approach them, I simply ask, ” Jordan what the hell are you doing here?”

He turns around with the irritating smile he always gives me, “The same reason you’re here”

“I’m here, because my best friend…”, I say with an attitude. But as I repeat the words back to myself, I realize something didn’t seem right. I turn to Dana and ask her, ” what is he doing here?”

“To party, like the rest of us”, she says naïvely”

As I attempt to interrogate them some more. A man reaches from behind me, and grab the champagne bottle. Due to my irritation, with my brother already being here. I’m not ready to have anyone that close to me. As I turn around to give him a piece of my mind, I realize it’s the man that was staring at me on the dance floor. For some reason in that moment, the words couldn’t fully come out. I just began blushing, like a little girl. He says nothing, just pours the champagne, while staring at me. He smiles as he hands me the glass, reaching over me once more, to grab another, then pours it directly in front of me. Putting down the champagne bottle and holding up our glass, we clinch our glass together. He nods his head and smiles, then takes a sip of champagne. Throughout our entire interaction, he says nothing, just looks at me with that smile. I don’t know, what came over me. I lean in and kiss him, lasting for a A few moments, I step back in shock of my behavior. I can tell in his eyes, that he was just as surprised. He just picks up his glass, and takes another sip. I’m not sure why he’s not talking, but the silence is doing something to me. I enjoy the rest of the night. I’m glad, that I came out with Dana. Although I’m still skeptical about her and Jordan.

The next morning, I wake up with my head pounding. Should’ve known, this is how I’m going to feel, after my third drink. When things in the room became blurry, I didn’t stop, just kept on going. Drinking with an attractive man, that I’ve yet to get his name. The way I behaved last night, is unlike anything that I’ve done before. With escorting, I never have to do much, but be there and smile. Last night I put forth effort, to impress this man. Why? I still don’t have the answer. Attempting to get up a few times, but my body will not allow me to. As I lay in the bed staring at the ceiling, I reach over to the side table, picking up the phone then I press 9, to call the front desk. The phone rings a couple times before someone answers, “Hello, my name is Seth. This is the front desk, how may I help you?”, says the voice on the other end. Still laying in the same position, I say, “Can I get a vegetable omelet, with toast and coffee please…to room 56”. The man says politely, “No problem, it will be up to you shortly”.

“Thank you”, I say before hanging up the phone. Staring at the wall once again, finally force myself to get up. Slowly leaning up to sit at the edge of the bed. Taking a couple of deep breaths, then going to the bathroom. Turning on the warm water, I undress, it takes me forever to finally get my clothes off. Then step into the shower, one foot at a time. Standing underneath the shower for a while, feels amazing. When I begin to feel myself fall asleep, I quickly wash myself up and step out the shower. Grab the robe I have hanging on the bathroom door. While in the bedroom, I begin to lather myself with my scented lotion. I hear a knock at the door. Finishing up my lathering, I head to the door. When I open it, there is a male standing in front of me, with a cart. Stepping aside to indicate for him to come in, he roles the cart into the room, stopping midpoint and turns back to look at me.

“Is there something else I can help you with?”, he says to me with a smile.

“No! That will be all”, I reply with a smile.

He nods his head and says, “Okay!  Have a good day”. Then walks out of the room.

“You too”, I say as I close the door behind him.

Later, I decide to meet with Dana at her diner. Once I step into the diner, I realize that the diner is packed. I look around for a moment, trying to find a table to sit at. I notice my brother in the back of the diner, sitting at a booth. As I make my way over to him, I realize he’s sitting with someone else. I can’t make out the persons face. Once I get close enough, I realize it’s the guy from last night. I instantly feel a rush going through my body. I don’t want him to see me, I embarrassed myself during our last encounter. How is he going to look at me? All the thoughts roll through my mind at the same time, that I don’t realize that I have made it to their table.

Jordan looks at me confused, “Wassup?”

“I could ask you the same thing”, I say with my hand on my hips.

Jordan interjects with confidence, “This is our spot, remember you have been gone for a while.”

I reply, “Well I’m back now so…”

I look over at this handsome male, who is now staring at me, like he did on the dance floor. I try hard to be cute, then I smile at him, “I’m sorry, I don’t think we formally introduced ourselves”

Michael

“I’m Michael”, he says in the most pleasant voice.

“Christina”, I say moments after him. I then ask him, “Are you friends with my younger brother?”

“Yeah! He’s aight”, he replies.

“How old are you?”, I ask.

“Not as young as you maybe thinking”, he says smiling.

We both are playing this attention game. He won’t give in and I won’t either. I can stare at him all day. He has a natural swag, that I can’t put in exact words. Dana comes from her office and joins us at the booth.

“You made it! How you feeling?”, she ask me giggling.

“Im okay now”, I say with a slight grin. As my memory begins to come back to me, I try to interrogate Dana again, “Why were you and Jordan so close to one another, last night?”. I can tell everyone at the table wants to ignore me, but I continue, “I don’t get why you two were so intimate”. Jordan gets irritated with all my question, that he interrupts the conversation to say, “Dana’s my girl”, he then grabs her by the waist and smiles. Dana quickly pushes away from him and says, “not here”, she starts looking around to make sure no one is looking.

“Im sorry, did you say your girl?”, I ask calmly.

Jordan smiles and looks at Dana. Dana won’t even look at me.

“Eeeewwwwww!!! When did this happen?”, I ask Dana.

“I don’t know, a while”, Dana says trying to play it off.

At this point I’m boiling, suddenly Michael grabs my hand and say, “Let’s get out of here”. We both make our way out of the restaurant, and into Michael’s car that is waiting outside.

TO BE CONTINUED…

FAN FICTION!!!!! 💋

(It’s Because I Love You) Chapter 9 – Victoria Has Good News

VICTORIA

I know it’s absolutely ridiculous, that I can even be upset with him. I’m pissed off with the both of them. I don’t have a good reason but I am. Victoria standings in front of me telling me all this and she wants me to be happy. Why exactly would I be happy? Then again she doesn’t even know. I wonder if I should tell her? But if I tell her would she think different of me? She would probably call me a liar and a backstabber. I don’t know if she would ever trust me again.

“Christina are you even listening to me?”, Victoria asks as she snaps her finger in my face. I quickly snap back to the conversation, “My bad I was thinking about something else”. She shook her head and drops herself onto the couch, “Well can you please come back to earth, because I really need your help to make a decision”. This is the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard in my life. She wants me to help her make a decision, on whether she should move in with my man. I have no right to say my man but that’s the way it has always been. “Okay, do you really want to move in with him?”. Victoria is silent for a second before actually responding to me, “I think I do. I don’t know what it is, about him he makes me feel different. I wasn’t looking to feel anything but I do. I don’t want to make a dumb mistake but he’s pulling in every word. I’ve never been so valuable to anyone. Christina you don’t even understand, this shit got me twisted. Embarrassing for me to say out loud”.

CHRISTINA

She said this shit got her twisted, This shit got me twisted. Victoria is a woman, who doesn’t fall for anyone. Has now fallen in love with Omar. I really wish this is a joke she’s playing.

“Damnit Christina, are you even listening to me? Every time that you’re complaining about Trey, I listen. Even when I think what you’re saying is dumb, I still listen. Now I’m dealing with this shit and you keep tuning out. I find that very disrespectful”, she says that she gets up off the couch and stands directly in front of me.

“I promise you I’m not doing it intentionally, but I have a lot going on right now. I promise I’m listening”, I said trying to convince her continuing, “If you feel like that’s the best decision for you, then follow your heart. Don’t do it with the intention that you’re going to get something out of it. Just be genuine”. My began phone ringing. When I look at the screen, a smile appeared on my face. I quickly pick up the phone and respond with complete excitement, “Hey what’s up?”. The voice on the other end of the phone spoke, “I was just thinking about you and thought I’d call. I miss you already, maybe I overreacted maybe we can figure something out”. I’m listening to him speak smiling inside, then I look over at Victoria and a smile appears on my face, again. I then respond, “Oh really, that sounds great but I can’t talk right now. Victoria is over here giving me the best news”. The voice on the other end of the phone didn’t speak again. There’s silence on the phone for a couple seconds before I respond, “You too bye”. I’m laughing inside because I know what happens next. Omar is going to show up at my house. He’s going to try to convince me that what I have been told is far from the truth. He’s going to beg me to forgive him. I’ve played this game so many times and I’m ready for it this time.

“Who was that?”, Victoria ask as she flips through her phone. I just put my phone down and respond, “ my nosy ass cousin, that girl is so annoying”. Victoria looks up at me, “Your mother’s sisters daughter?”. I just quickly respond, “Yeah that one”.

“Back to what I was saying, should I do it?”, Victoria asks again. I know she only wants to hear one answer so I just tell her what she wants to hear, “Of course you should move in with him”. She jumps up off the couch and hug me ridiculously tight, “I knew you would give me the best advice”, she said as she grabs her things and run out of the front door.

After she leaves, I went in the bathroom to take a long hot shower. As I’m standing underneath the scorching hot water. I begin to think about everything that’s going on. The fog from the hot water fills the entire bathroom. All the pain I’ve been feeling isn’t in my control, but being underneath the hot water is all I can control. I stand there close to what seems like an hour, crying my eyes out. All of this doesn’t seem fair. Im always tried to play my cards right, I always try to be a good person but things, of this nature, always happens to me. After giving myself time from all the crying. I finally shut the water off and step out of the tub. I made my way to my bedroom and underneath my sheets. I toss and turn for an hour to get some sleep but nothing. After getting tired in the same spot I get up and go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, hoping that would finally put me to sleep. As I turn on the stove, I heard a knock at the door. My first instinct told me to ignore it. I honestly don’t want to talk to anyone. Before I can continue, I heard rattling at the door. Speeding into the room, I grab the first shirt that I could find.

OMAR

Before I can walk back into the kitchen Omar stands right in front of me. Him appearing out of nowhere, almost makes me trip over my own foot as I step back. I forgot that Omar knows where I kept my spare key. Whenever he’s in the mood, he uses the key to let himself in and cooks for me. Whenever I have something on my mind, I eat with no guidance and Omar makes the best stress food. He makes his famous barbecue baked ribs, turkey neck collar greens, baked beans and cornbread. I always joke around telling him, he can make the perfect housewife with that kind of cooking. This is the side of Omar that many will never see. Omar and I have gotten into it so many times because of females. I have no right to get upset but I do. I’m so used to it now, that I just get upset for the steamy hot sex that occurs after our arguments. He stands in front of me are waiting for me to speak. I just act like he doesn’t exist and walk around him, to the kitchen, where the hot water is boiling on the stove. I walk over to the stove to turn it off but as I’m about to put my hand on the dial, Omar came from behind me and turns it off before I can. I can feel him breathing on my neck waiting for me utter my first words. He finally says, “Are you hungry?”. I ignore every word that came out of his mouth, reaching up into the cabinet to grab a teabag. He notices that I’m struggling so he grabs a teabag and places it in my cup and then pour the hot water on top of it. He knows how I like my tea. He finishes it up and handed it to me. Still not speaking to him, I grab my tea and took my first sip as I lean on the counter. “Are you going to at least say something?”, he says with frustration. I look at him and finally reply, “What exactly would you like me to say?”. He respond guilty, “ I don’t know, whatever you want to say, just say something”. I feel like I have the right not to speak to him. He’s the one that keeps making irrational decisions and this time its with my friend. Everything in me begin boiling so I just blurt out, “So are you really going to move in with her?”. He looks me directly in my eyes and shakes his head, “If she accepts, I have no choice but to allow her to move in. Besides I haven’t had a woman around the house in a while. I actually miss it”. Before I can even respond to his ignorance my phone rang. Omar looks at me waiting for me to make a move, so remain in the same position. After a few moments, he gets irritated and follows the ringing to finds my phone in the couch. When he picks it up the screen read Trey. I can see the anger in his face. He immediately answered the phone, “I’m gonna say this once, don’t call this number back again”. Before Trey gets a word out, Omar hangs up the phone then glances at me. “What the fuck is your problem”, I say as I rush over to him and grab my phone out of his hand continuing, “You have no fucking right to come in my house, pick up my phone and hang up on someone”. I view the last call and try to call back. As soon as the phone touches my ear he snatches the phone and ends the call. “Get out”, I try to say calmly. “I’m not going nowhere”, he says standing unapologetic in front of me. I want so bad to pick something up and hit him with it but I can’t. I just repeat myself with a more intense tone, “Get Out”. It takes everything out of me to keep my cool with this man. Eventually I’m out raged at the fact that Omar is standing in front of me refusing to leave my apartment. I don’t know what’s gotten into me but the next thing I know I had a knife in his face. As I’m standing here reflecting on the fact that I’m holding a knife in front of his face I gather my thoughts. Before I can actually put my knife down, Omar reaches in the back of his pants and pulling out his gun. Pointing it directly in my face he then says, “Christina put your knife down, this is not what you want to do right now”. The last time Omar and I went toted toe, it didn’t work out well. I’m standing here looking in his eyes. While crying my eyes out, I say once more, “Please get out”.

FICTIONAL!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…

(It’s Because I Love You) Chapter 8: Mixed Signals

OMAR

Omar yelled, “Did you hear me the first time?”
I couldn’t speak, looking at the phone then back at Omar. I decided in that moment, to cut the conversation short whispering, “I’ll call you back”. Quickly I hung up the phone, then looked over at Omar. I thought to myself, I can play this in two ways, I can play the victim card or I could play the asshole. I grappled with the decision for a few seconds. I choose the asshole, “don’t look at me like that”, I said dismissing his presents, walking around him to the living room. He turned around and followed me, grabbing my arm to stop me,”So our conversation yesterday meant nothing?”. I pulled my hand out of his grip looking him, “You must’ve lost your goddamn mind, Don’t ever grab me again”, I said perjecting my voice. Omar threw his hands up in the air, then slowly stepped back.

CHRISTINA

I continue to walk to the living room and sat down on the couch. I looked over at Omar, who was still looking at me.

“It’s fine with me, if you don’t want to follow our agreement, I will gladly continue what I’m doing”, Omar said with a smile. He then walks to the back to the bedroom. I could hear moving around from the living room. I didn’t pay him any attention. I remained in the living room, a lot of thoughts roaming through my head. I don’t want to lose Omar, but I don’t know if I’m ready to lose Trey either. Omar made his way back into the kitchen. Grabbing his jacket on the chair, right before he put his hand on the door he looks over at me once more and says, “I’ll let myself out”. At this point my head was down in my hands. As I heard the door open, I popped up and ran to the door; closing it before Omar even fully opened it, “You’re not being fair”, I said as my eyes began to water.

“What do you mean I’m not being fair? I gave you an option. You told me that you were going to handle it, and you didn’t, so explain to me how I’m not being fair?”, Omar said waiting for me to respond.

“It’s not that easy for me”, I reply looking down feeling ashamed to look him in the eye.

Omar replied sarcastically grabbing the door again to open it, “Well it’s not that easy for me either”.

I push the door close once more then responded, “You’re just saying that because I said it, I’m not saying it’s hard to leave Trey just because but you know damn well that you’re saying that you can’t stop messing with Victoria just to be an asshole. Unlike you I don’t throw my feelings around anywhere”.

Omar getting tired of the back-and-forth and finally said, “Christina what are you saying to me?”

I said with tears running down my face, ” l don’t know, I really just don’t know”.

“Well when you figure it out you let me know, but until then you can’t tell me who I can and can’t see”, Omar grab the door once more and this time he left slammed the door behind him. I said in the same spot by the door for at least five minutes.

I don’t know how I’ve gotten to this place. This place of loneliness. It’s so dark and quiet here. No matter how hard I try to find the light the dark continues to turn the switch.

For a couple of days I stayed in the house in complete silence. I’m sure by now, I have many missed calls but I really had no interest in talking to anyone. I couldn’t even tell my best friend about what I was dealing with, because we are dealing with the same guy. Anyone else I could possibly talk to about it, would tell me what I didn’t need to hear. Laying in my bed I close my eyes and thought to myself, who do you want? Is it Omar or is it Trey? I kept repeating those same lines in my head over and over again, hoping to get the answer that I needed.

As I was in my own thoughts, I heard the doorbell ring. Hoping that the person would go away so I could remained in my bed. Once I realize the person wasn’t going to leave. I got up out of my bed and walk to the door when I looked out of the peep hole, it was Victoria. All I could think to myself was, “this is not the person I want to see you right now”. I actually feel bad for those thoughts in mind but I couldn’t help it. She had gotten tangled up in a love triangle without even asking for it. I open the door and there she was standing there with a bottle of wine in her hand.

“I have been calling and texting you, but you haven’t been answering, thought you might need some of this”, she said as she out of the bottle of wine.

She walked into the apartment and I close the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and put the bottle down on the kitchen counter then looked back at me, that was right behind her.

“So what’s going on and why the hell do you look like this?”‘, she said awaiting my response looking me up and down.

I didn’t say anything I just grabbed the bottle opener out of the first drawer and begin opening the wine bottle.

“Please don’t tell me this is about Trey again?”, she asked still awaiting for me to respond.

I still remain quiet grabbing two glasses out of the cabinet and began pouring the wine. Then simply handed one glass to Victoria and walking into the living room. I sat down on the couch with the wine glass in hand, finally taking a sip. Victoria hurried over to the couch, sitting next to me eager to know what I was going to say next, “So it is about Trey?”, she asked to bring her wine.

“Yeah it’s about him”, I said sipping my wine once more.

“What did he do now?”, she said waiting for me to respond.

“I don’t know, he just doesn’t know what he wants. One minute he wants to be in a committed relationship the next minute he wants to be single, I can’t deal with his flip-floppy ways”, I said frustrated taking another sip.

“You have to tell him it’s over, I know it’s going to be hard but its the right thing to do. You can’t keep putting yourself through this. He’s not worth it, no man is worth it”, she informed me.

I loved all the words Victoria’s feeding me, but is better said than done. I really need to look inside myself and be strong.

Victoria turn to look at me and held my hand ,”I do have something to tell you, I don’t think you’re going to be very happy about it”. I see that she was honestly worried about what I would think so I just asked, “what’s wrong?”. She was still silent trying to figure out how to make the words come out. I held her hand, then nodded my head for her to continue to speak. She finally spoke, “Omar asked me to move in with him?”. Was I losing my mind? Did she just say Omar wants her to move in with him? Are you fucking serious right now? Why would he do that? I try my hardest not to let any tears fall from my eyes. I can’t believe him. He’s really trying to hurt me, and he’s doing a damn good job.
To Be Continued…

(It’s Because I Love You) Chapter 7: He Gets To Me

Christina

It’s the man I have been thinking about uncontrollably. I open the door to see Omar slowly lift his head up. I want to tell them to leave, but I urge the feeling of his touch. He looks at me with guilt, because he knew what I was going to do next, and holds out a bouquet of flowers. He got me, he knows it’s my favorite, Lilies, there’s something about the color and smile that always brings a smile to my face. In that moment I knew I would become a victim of his smooth smile, soft touch, and athletic body, but I still try to play it cool.

Omar “Big O”

“What are you doing here?”, I ask standing firmly at the doorway.
“Your not gonna let me in?”, He replies with his bright smile.
“Why should I?” I ask awaiting a legitimate response.
“We talked about meeting up tonight, I have flowers and you don’t want them to get all dried up. Do you?”, He says smiling.
I don’t respond, I just look him directly in his eyes.
“I don’t have time for this”, he shoves his way into the house. He then looks back at me, “Close the door”.
I turn around and look at him with the door still open waiting for him to leave. He puts the flowers down on the table then walks over to me and slowly close the door.
He then says, “Are you happy now?”
“No I wanted you to leave” I reply with an attitude.
Omar got in front of me and gently touched my face, moving in to kiss me.
“So you thought you were gonna come over here, bring flowers and everything was gonna be okay?”
Omar replies, “No, I thought you were gonna give me a hard time, like you’re doing right now”.
Omar has always had his way of getting what he wanted. I think that’s what I like most about him. People never want to disappoint him. What he fails to realize is that I’m not those people. He has gotten so use to women doing what he wants, that he tries that shit with me.
“You’ve crossed boundaries that can be considered unforgivable”, I announce looking Omar in the eyes.
“Well do you not forgive me?”, he ask awaiting for response.
“I don’t know yet”
“How do you not know?” Omar ask confused. Omar knew that I was clearly hurt by his relations with Victoria. I want to say something but it wouldn’t have come out as polite as I would want it to.
“Maybe I could give you a better answer if you stop fucking my friend”, I say with my hands crossed.
“I already told you, I will if you don’t see your ex anymore”
“What the fuck, that’s not even fair, so your going to keep fucking my friend because I won’t do what you want”
“You can’t make demands if your not gonna follow through with any of mine”
“Well then I’ll stop fucking my ex if you promise to break it off with her”
“Alright you got it, I won’t see her anymore”
“You promise?”, I ask with a smile.
“you got my word”, he says as he gently touching my face.
“well I like the sound of that”, I said as I kiss him.

I don’t know what it is but there is something comforting about Omar’s lips. Every time we lock lips, I seem to imagine all the things that I can’t have with him. He began to tear my clothes off piece by piece. He grabbed my hair forcing my head back, as he begin licking my neck, while his other hand slowly moved down my stomach to between my thighs. I bite my bottom lip as I tried to gain control of the situation but as usual I fell deep into his seduction. He spun me back around, grabbing me tight and look me in the eyes and said, “We have agreement?”
“Not exactly”, I respond with no hesitation.
“Oh really?”, Omar asked.
I nodded confirming his disbelief.
“Maybe i can change that”, he said as he lifts me up slowly kissing all over my body, while carrying me to the room. I couldn’t fighting anymore, I just let it happen.
The next morning I woke up with Omar’s broad shoulders right around me. I still can’t explain why he has such a hold on me. I think it’s because of the way he treated me when I had nobody. He gave me a chance, by giving me a job when I needed it the most.
Some would say my job is unorthodox, but I see it as a way to survive. There’s nothing about my job that forces me to do anything, I feel uncomfortable with. But I will say, my job is a little risky for some individuals.
Before Omar I’d been in multiple relationships, but Omar was the first person to make me feel like a woman. All my other relationships seem to be fun, as if we were in a relationship because we could. With Omar I feel like I didn’t have a choice. Like no matter how much I wanted to run away my heart wouldn’t allow me to.
I turned over to look at my cell phone, and on the screen I saw 10 missed calls. Immediately I knew who it was. As I open my phone, I slowly rose up from Omar’s grip, to sit up on the bed. Then I saw that I also had a voicemail. I put the phone to my ear, and begin playing the voicemail.
“I want to hear your voice, call me when you have the time”, Trey said with such conviction. I replayed the message one more time just to hear his voice. I then looked over to the bedroom where Omar was sleeping, then back to my phone and smile. Although I wanted to be with Omar. I also feel a strong love for Trey. Usually I never have to choose one over the other, but now they’re both here at the same time fighting for the same position in my life. I got up and went into the other room to call Trey back. As a phone rang my heart began to beat fast because I didn’t know what to say to him. Trey answers the phone with the raspy voice he had in the morning, the same voice I love to here next to me in the morning.
“Hello”, Trey replies.
“good morning”, I say with a sense nervousness
“Good morning”, he says with a bit of excitement
“I just got your message, I thought it’d be polite, that I called you back”
“I don’t want to be polite, I want you to call me back because it’s something you truly want. Not because you feel it’s right”, he replies frustrated.
I’m beginning to think that Trey’s “good morning” wasn’t as pleasant as I thought it was.
“maybe I shouldn’t of called you sorry”, I prepare myself to hang up.
“Babe wait”, he interjects “I understand, I’m just a little upset”
“I know and I understand why, I’m a little confused right now and I don’t know what to do”
Seconds later Omar silently my walks into the room.
“I just need you to give me some time to figure out what I want”, I says emotionally connected.
“Who you talking to?”, Forcefully ask.
I couldn’t respond, I was completely dumbfounded.

To Be Continued…

Is It More Than What It Seems? (Part 2)

Wale as Mike 

I’m lying in bed with this woman in my arms. All I can think about is Meagan…

I haven’t really talked to her since her date with that guy she went out with a week ago. I’m guessing it went well because she has not called me.

The doorbell rings. I immediately I look over at the time… It’s 9:01 AM. Who the hell is at my door this early in the morning? I slowly slid my arm from under her head and got up.

I put my shorts on and headed to the door. I looked out the peep hole to see Meagan. What is she doing here so early? “Fuck,” I said to myself as I opened the door.

Dessi as Meagan

Meagan pushed her way into the house, “Why the hell did it take you so long to answer the door?” she said with an attitude.

I closed the door behind her and followed her into the kitchen, “I was sleeping”

Meagan replied with a sense of guilt, “Oh sorry, I thought maybe you were in here with a woman. I was trying to be noisy”.

Laughing, “Noisy for what?”

“You know how you are”, she said looking at with a cute smile.

“Why are you even up this early?” I said trying to get myself to fully wake up.

Meagan said with a big smile, “I really want to come over here and talk to you about this guy. I know it’s early but I had to talk to someone”

Sitting down I said looking at her, “what about this guy?”

She sat down in the chair beside me excited, “Okay so do you remember the date I went on last week?”

I said with a straight face, “uhhh yeah what about it?”

“Well the guy is a sweetheart and we literally have been spending crazy time together”

“That’s why I haven’t gotten any calls from you?” I said in my feelings about the situation.

“Sorry I just been preoccupied”, She said with a sweet grin.

“You didn’t fuck this guy, did you?” I asked with suspicion.

“What? Hell no! You know me better than that” she said a little confused.

Hearing those words, made me feel much better about the situation. The truth is if she said the opposite I couldn’t do anything about it. It’s the fact that I know she hasn’t gotten into anything serious with this guy. The question that keeps repeating in my head is; if she knew how I felt would she give me a chance? And I keep repeating the same answer. I know her response would be “NO!” because she knows about all my previous relationships that ended in destruction in full detail.

Meagan continued, “I don’t care how much I like him. I don’t give it up that easy”

“I know, I need to find me a girl like you”

She shook her head in disagreement, “You don’t want someone like me. You couldn’t handle the pressure to be in that type of relationship”

“I can handle that kind of relationship” I said in an aggressive tone.

“This coming from the man that can’t live without sex for more than two weeks, Mike I know you like the back of my hand. You like the thought of a woman like me but you could never deal with that type of woman on a serious level.”

Does she really think I can’t commit myself to one woman? This isn’t true, I can, I just haven’t found the right person that has made me feel the kind of love I want.

Meagan has always been the person I turn to for support and I now realize that she is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. How do I tell her that?

“I haven’t been in a relationship where I felt the need to wait. The relationships I have been in, in the past, were developed because of sex and some may have grown further but never serious. I just don’t believe in putting in time with someone that I don’t feel a certain love for. I’ll keep you around if you’re good at what you do but you aren’t going to be my wife.”

“Your wife?  You think about marriage when your dating?” laughing a bit confused.

“Yeah, when I think of getting serious with a woman, she must be someone I feel I can potentially marry”

Laughing, “You’re joking right?”

Mike has a straight face wonder what Meagan found so funny.

Meagan continued, “Oh, you’re serious. I would never expect you to say something like that”

“Yeah I realize that now” I replied pissed about where the conversation was heading.

There was an awkward silence for a second as Meagan scrolled through her phone then looked up and said, “Okay, I’m going to go now. I’ll talk to you later”. Meagan got up and walked out of the front door. I wasn’t happy with the way Meagan and I ended our conversation together. I feel as though she has a negative image of the person I am, but who can really blame her. I got up and locked the door behind her just then Kelly came walking out of the room in my tee shirt.

Kelly

“Who was that?” Kelly asked pointing to the door in suspicion.

“It was a friend” I said walking away from the door.

Kelly repeated my words in suspicion, “A friend”

I nodded my head “Yes”.

Kelly replied, “If it was a friend why didn’t you introduce us?”

“You were sleeping babe; I didn’t want to walk you up”

“So was this friend a male or female?” looking Mike directly in the eye with her hands folded.

“What?”

“You heard what I said” She replied waiting for his response

“Why does it matter?” I said walking to the bedroom

She followed me into the room pissed, “Because if it was just a friend you would have let me see them. Yes or no?”

“I told you I didn’t want to wake you up”

“Bullshit, you’re a fucking liar. Why do you always do this shit?” She said with her eyes tearing up.

“What did I do now?” I said shaking my head in irritation

“You tell me about how much you care and love me, then you do disrespectful shit like this. If you don’t want me just let me know and I’ll leave you alone” she said as the tearing rolled down her face.

“If I didn’t want you, you wouldn’t be here right now” I gently pulled her close and wiped her eyes, “I love you and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you”.

Why the hell did I just lie to her again? I won’t lie I do care about Kelly but I’m just not in love with her. I hate to say it but she’s just my distraction. I just can’t stand to see her in front of me crying knowing I’m the one causing it. I rather just tell her what she wants to hear to ease the situation.

“Are you sure?” she said sniffling and wiping her eyes again.

“Yes, I love you”, I said I kissed her on the lips.

This brought a smile to her face but hurt me deep inside. Kelly gets what she wants but when will I ever get what I want?

 To Be Continued…

Is It More Than What It Seems? (Part 1)

Wale as Mike

I watched her as she is on the couch sleep with her long black hair laid across my legs. She is a beautiful woman that I have the pleasure to spend endless time with. She could have been anywhere, but she’s here with me. Every time I look at her, she makes me want to be a better man not because I want her but I know her heart is genuine. Everything she says and does make me think about everything I have done.

Desi Renae as Meagan

Meagan opens her eyes and turns her head to look at Mike who quickly looks at the TV as if he wasn’t watching her, “How long was I asleep?”.

“About two hours”, Mike replied.

Embarrassed she said, “Why didn’t you wake me up?” sitting up on the couch.

“I didn’t want to bother you”.

Meagan began looking around, “Where is my phone?”.

“It was about to die so I put it on the charger in the room and it rang a few times too”

“Shit”, she got up and ran to the room.

After retrieving her phone she walked back into the living room scowling down her call list then called someone. She put the phone to her ears sitting on the arm of the couch. The phone rang four times before a male voice answered, “Hello”

“Hey, I just saw you call. I’m at a friend’s house and loss track of time. Do you still want to go?”

“Yeah meet me at 9”, the voice on the other end replied.

She replied with a big smile, “Okay see you soon”

“Alright Bye”

Meagan started putting on her shoes and grabs her purse. Mike asked Meagan interested, “Who are you going to meet?”

“This guy I met a few weeks ago ”

“Where did you meet him?”, he said waiting for a reply

“Why does it matter?”, she said in a skeptical tone.

“You do know some guy have expectations on the first date?

“Who said this is the first date?” she said looking up at him smiling.

Mike nodded his head. He then grabs a pen and paper handing it to Meagan, “What’s this guy’s information?”

“Mike get a life”, Meagan said rolling her eyes.

“I’m serious. I would prefer the full name and cell phone number”

“I’m also serious, get al life”, she said grabbing the pen and paper placing it on the table.

They both walk to the front door silently. Mike holds the door open as Meagan walked out. Before she left she turned and looked at Mike.

Mike says, “Be careful, I don’t trust these guys”

“Because you know what you do?” Meagan said smiling.

“We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you be safe”

Why am I talking like this? I’m never the one to ask anyone about their personal life.

Meagan paused and smiled, “Its cute when you show so much concern for me” She stands on her tippy toes and kisses him on the cheek and whispers, “I will be fine”.

Meagan walks off and Mike closes the door but stands in the same spot thinking.

Meagan and I have been friends for years but just recently these uncontrollable feelings have been taking over. I want to tell her but I don’t want our relationship to change. I respect and love her; the last thing I want is to push her away. The more time I spend with her the stronger my feels get. I can’t tell anyone about this because this is just not who I am. I don’t fall in love. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I’m in love with Meagan.

To Be Continued…

(Its Because I Love You) Chapter 6: You Don’t Understand

Christina

“I have to think about it”, I said uneasy.

“What is there to think about?” Trey said irritated.

“You don’t understand”, I said trying to end the conversation.

“I can’t understand something you’re not telling me”

“It’s too much to explain”, I replied hoping Trey would get the point.

“Christina I love you and I need you to open up to me”.

I can’t believe he has the nerve to say I won’t open up when he’s the one who broke my heart.

“Like I did before and you up and left?”

“I was scared because I didn’t understand but now I’m okay with it”, Trey said sounding a little uneasy.

Pissed off I replied, “You’re okay with it? Trey I don’t care if you’re okay with it. I need you to feel secure. I need you to trust that I won’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m trying but you already know shit happens”, he said trying to convince me.

“No, I don’t know that shit happens because I can control myself. I never put myself in a situation I can’t get out of, but I’m pretty sure you’ve had multiple shit happen moments.”

“I didn’t call you so we can point fingers at each other. I just want us back”

“That won’t happen overnight”, I have to make Trey know that my feelings aren’t to be toyed with again.

“I’m willing to start over if that means we’ll end up where we were”

His words sound sincere but what can I really believe.  The words “Yes I would love to start over”, wants to come out but I have to hold it back. I need to know that Trey is as serious about us as I am, before putting myself in one hundred percent.

“Meet me at my place tonight”, I said emotionless.

“I’ll be there sometime in the AM”

“I don’t care, you just need to get here”

“Don’t worry, I love you”

“See you soon”

I hung up the phone and held it to my chest for a few moments before putting it down. I just couldn’t say I loved him back because I didn’t know, if his love was genuine.

Victoria

I could feel Victoria staring at me waiting to put her two cents in, “Why do you keep treating him like that?”

I immediately looked at her annoyed, “How the hell am I treating him?”

“You’re just being unnecessary”

“I’m being unnecessary? V you should understand how I feel about what Trey did to me. Do I need to bring up his name?”

Upset Victoria replied, “Don’t even go there”

“I won’t but don’t act like you never felt how I feel”

“That’s exactly why I’m telling you not to treat Trey like that. He’s going to get tired of the bullshit and move on without you, even if he’s still in love. That’s what I did, with you know who, and I regret it still to this day.”

Victoria was one of those females who seem to have it all together on the outside but she was completely broken inside. She recently got dumped by her ex Elmont after she kept playing the blame game. Elmont cheated on her a few times. After feeling bad about his secret he sat Victoria down to explain the other women, and she went berserk. He was doing everything possible to gain her trust back but she continuously put him through hell with no sign of their relationship building. So he got tired of her bullshit and told her he loved her but he couldn’t do it anymore. Of course she was upset because she was still crazy in love with him. Also he had the nerve to break up with her after he was the wrong one. Victoria was and still is an emotional wreak for the break up. Ever since, she has taken it upon herself to make sure all of her friend’s relationships run smoothly. I appreciate it but I want her to work on herself.

“I understand”, was my response. There was nothing much I could say because she was ultimately right.

Omar (Big O)

Victoria’s phone began to ring. She looked at it for a few moments before picking it up, “Hello”, she said with a smile. She held the phone to her ear enjoying every word the person on the other end spoke. She looked at me then walked into the other room to continue her conversation.

Just then a text came to my phone. When I picked it up to read it read “BO”. Just the man I wanted to talk to at a time like this. The text read, “I was thinking about you so thought I would shoot you a text. Wassup?” Yes, he’s thinking about me. I shouldn’t care but I kind of miss him. I texted back, “Aww how sweet. I’m at my friend’s house. Imu ;-)”

As I awaited his next text my face began to light up. Why? I have no idea. He then texted, “I need to see you”. I texted back, “You already know it’s about timing.” Then he said, “Tonight?” Before I could reply Victoria walked back into the room saying, “Yeah, of course see you later”, before hanging up the phone.

Being noisy I asked, “Who was that?”

“Just some guy”, she said brushing me off.

“I think it’s more than some guy”, I said trying to get some information out of her.

“Girl, you already know it’s not a big deal. He serves his purpose which is something I need in my life right about now”, she said with no feeling.

I can tell she wanted more than just a guy for the moment. I just don’t know how to stop her from being afraid of her feelings.

I should be the last person telling someone not to be afraid of their feelings. I just hate to see her like this, probably the same way she hates to see me worrying about Trey. Relationships can be extremely complicated sometimes. You get stuck and don’t know where to turn next. It really takes time for you to turn in the right direction.

Concerned I asked, “Where did you meet this guy?”

She looked afraid to answer, “I don’t remember”.

“Oh really”, I said with a look of disbelief.

“What? I don’t remember”, She said

“I just hope you’re not messing around with work”

She replied, “Are you judging?”

“So it is work? Spill”, I said waiting for her to speak.

“We met a while ago”.

“I don’t care clients are off limits”

“He’s not a client”, she whispered under her breath.

“What?”

“It’s not a client”, she repeated under her breath.

“Why don’t you speak a little louder”, I said annoyed.

“It’s not a damn client”, she said loud and with anger.

I asked confused, “If it’s not a client then”, I stopped and thought about it before I continue, “No not George?”

“Eww girl no”, Victoria said with disgust.

“Then who the hell are you talking about? The only other person is, but you don’t know him”

Victoria stared into space with no response. Her reaction said it all, “It’s Omar, but when did you meet him?”

She still wasn’t talking.

“Victoria seriously is it Omar?”

She said hesitating, “you can’t say anything”.

“You’re fucking Big O?”

“Don’t make it at big deal”

“It’s a big deal because he says he never fucks around with his girls.”

Confused she replied, “I thought you all we really close?”

I can’t believe this fucker. He has the nerve to tell Victoria about me. Why would he do some shit like that? I don’t know if I should be more upset than hurt, but right now I’m feeling hurt more than anything.

“He told you that?” I said confused.

“It doesn’t matter”, Victoria said trying to end the conversation.

“If you get Big O’s attention that’s a huge deal, now speak”

Victoria spoke with a smile, “I was at the office because George and I had to speak about some important information I found out. So while I was there George’s assistant came barging in and you know how George gets when people interrupt his meetings. So he was about to fuss at her before she said, “Big O is on his way upstairs”. George of course was excited but I was a little confused to why they were so happy to see their boss.”

“I know why”, I said with a straight face.

“I mean at the time I didn’t but now I do”

“I can’t believe…”

“Do you want to hear the rest of the story or do you want to keep talking? Cause I will let you”

“Sorry, keep talking”, I said holding back the real words that should have came out.

“Anyway when Omar came in”

“Wow, you even call him Omar”

Victoria looked at me with a blank stare then continued, “So when Big O came in George dapped him up. And the assistant was so thirsty it was disgusting. I just sat there waiting for them to finish their greetings so George and I could finish our conversation. Of course you know I was annoyed and I think Omar could tell so he introduced himself, “Wassup I’m Omar but everyone calls me Big O”.

“I know”, I said carelessly.

“And you are?” Omar said with a smile.

“Victoria”

“The Victoria”

“I don’t usually put “The” before my name”

“Well the way George talks about you, you should”, he said with a smile.

“I’ll think about it”, Victoria replied brushing him off.

Omar looked me directly in the eye and said, “George I can see why you like her so much.”

Victoria continues to say, “The eye contact we made put me in a trance for a couple second but I quickly got myself together. Honestly I don’t know what was said after that all I knew is I wanted Omar badly.”

I can’t believe Omar he knows that Victoria and I are extremely close and he pulls some shit like this.

I interrupted, “Every girl wants to fuck him”

“Excluding you?” she said laughing.

“That was way before I began working for him. Did he tell you that?”

“You already know your secret is safe with me”, she said zipping her mouth.

“You better watch out for him because his ass is sneaky”

“Girl you already know how I handle men like him”

“Okay, just be careful”

I don’t think I have room to be upset, I am still in love with my ex. Just to know he would even go that far pisses me off. When I got home I made a phone call that was well needed.

Omar answered the phone, “Hey beautiful so are we on for tonight?”

“O do you have something to tell me”

“No, do you want me to tell you something?” He replied confused.

“Why are you fucking Victoria?”

“Why are you fucking your ex?”

I can’t believe this dude went there with me. His nonchalant attitude pissed me off.

“What?”

“You heard me?” he said calmly.

“O that’s my friend”

“I didn’t know that until after”

“Yes, you did because I’ve told you about her many times”

“Well I like her”, he said carelessly.

I replied, “Stop fucking her”.

“Stop fucking your ex”, he responded.

I had nothing to say. I can’t just break it off with Trey for a man who is even more confused than Trey.

“I thought so, and Victoria is really nice.”

“Well you know what have fun and don’t ever call me again”, I explained before slamming the phone down.

I laid on my couch thinking about Omar which was weird because I wanted Trey more than I wanted Omar. As I began to fall asleep my doorbell rang. I attempted to ignore it but the person kept knocking. I got up to open the door. When I looked through the peep hole a smile appeared on my face.

 To be Continued…

(Its Because I Love You) Chapter 5: No Where To Turn

“Shit”, I said jumping off the bed, picking my clothes up off the chair and headed straight for the door. Trey stood in front of the door blocking it.

Trey said trying to stop me, “Why are you leaving?”

Trying to shove him out the way I said, “Trey move!”

“Where are you going?”

Finally, I got Trey out of my way; I put my cloths down attempting to put one piece on at a time, but before I could get anything on, Trey came behind me and grabbed the clothing I had in my hand and threw them on the floor. When I tried to turn around, he wrapped his hands around my waist, planting kisses from my left shoulder to the right side of my neck. For a moment I awaited his next move. Getting impatient I turned around making full eye contact with Trey. As are eyes met our lips met seconds later. I fell in love all over again. I stepped back uncertain whether I should continue. As I stepped back he stepped forward backing me against the wall. With nowhere to run Trey kissed me gently pressed against my body. I wanted to pull away, but the warmth from his body drew me in. He picked me up carried me over to the bed, laid me down as he made his way downtown. I have been craving this moment. He always does everything right. He knows exactly what to do to drive me crazy. Trey is definitely the best lover I have ever had.

“What do you want from me”, I said Moaning

He Whispers looking in my eyes, “I Love You”

“Why do you like hurting me?”

I got really emotional throughout our entire time of making love. I couldn’t believe I was so emotional. After a while Trey stopped answering my emotional driven questions. He just gave me what he knew I wanted. I began crying for more begging him to go deeper. I wanted so bad to free my mind and enjoy every bit of this moment but, in the back of my mind I was still hurt, I needed answers. Trey went on his knees grabbing me and slowly entered. I wrapped my legs around his waist closing my eyes bending my head back and moaning. I made eye contact with Trey once more with tears rolling down my face. I kissed Trey then felt a shocking palm run through my body. We stared at one another satisfied.

The next morning I found myself to be satisfied and relaxed, to be sleeping next to the man I was afraid to love. I lied their watching him sleep. He was perfection, maybe it’s just me but he looks like an angel when he sleeps. I honestly couldn’t believe I was doing this again. Instead of trying to get over him, I was falling deeper. I had to get out of that hotel room before he woke up and we both exchanged words that we wouldn’t be able to take back. I wanted to kiss him badly, but I had to restrain. I quietly got out of the bed tip toeing, picking up my cloths and putting them on. I then made a quick exit. I leaned back on the door crying. I got myself together wiped my eyes and left the hotel.

The next thing I knew, I was knocking on Victoria’s door like a lost puppy. I needed to talk to someone immediately I was dying inside.

“Who is it?” a voice asked behind the door.

“Christina”, I replied

Victoria opened the door with a big smile. When she saw the sadness in my face her mood changed.

“Are you okay?” she asked; pulling me inside the house, closing the door behind me.

I nodded my head “no” without a reply.

“What happened? Is it work? Cause you already know…”

“No, it has nothing to do with that”

“Oh Okay…Then what is it?”

“It’s Trey”

“What about Trey?” Victoria said with attitude.

“Yesterday he called in the office asking for me personally under another name”

“Awww Really?” laughing then continued, “What’s wrong with that?”

“Wait let me finish. He then asked for me to meet him at a hotel. You know how I feel about the whole hotel thing, but I just said whatever because I wanted to get Trey off my mind. So when I got to the hotel he told me to come into the bedroom and get comfortable. At that moment; I was going to leave, but I didn’t because I wanted to forget Trey. So I went into the room and took off my cloths and everything.”

Victoria asked, “Wait, this is before you knew it was Trey?”

“Yes”

“Freak” Victoria laughed.

I Laughed, “Let me continue, I posed on the bed waiting for him, to get out of the bathroom. When he stepped out I almost died. I was so embarrassed, I jumped off the bed grabbed my cloths and tried to leave but he jumped in front of the door. We argued for a few seconds then the rest is history”

“Really?” Victoria’s facial expression changed, “Wait I’m not surprised, both of you are still in love with each other”.

“I woke up this morning and just wanted to stay in his arms”

“Why did you leave?”

“I can’t be with him, he doesn’t accept my career and he doesn’t trust me”

“You could work toward fixing that part of your relationship or change your job instead of running away”.

My phone then began to ring. The screen read My Baby. I showed the phone to Victoria and she said, “Talk to him” There was a silence in the room as the phone rang again, “Answer it”.

I picked up the phone, “Hello”

“I wake up and you’re gone. Wassup with that?”

“I needed air”

“Christina what’s the problem?”

“There is no problem”

“Well, I’m leaving town in two days and I want to see you again before I leave”

Why is it that this man has to always make it hard for me to say no to him? I don’t want him to leave. I just want to be with him.

To Be Continued…

(Its Because I Love You) Chapter 4: The Anonymous Request

Trey gave me a sexy grin as he walked closer to me and gently kissed me. Moments after I pushed Trey away from me, “You need to leave”, I said with guilt.

Trey replied a little confused and pissed, “What?”

“You need to go”

“I thought you said you wanted to talk”

“I can’t do this, you have to go”

Yes, I know this sounds stupid for me to tell him come and see me, then blow him off when he gets here. No one understands, I want more than anything for Trey and I to be back where we began but it’s not that simple for me. He completely tore my heart to pieces and didn’t care, but now all of a sudden he wants me back. I have to take this whole thing one step at a time.

Trey gently held her hand, “Christine babe I love you”

I pulled away from Trey and held my head down, “Trey please just go”.

Trey stood there for a couple seconds then he left with no hesitation. After Trey left I climbed in bed and cried my eyes out. After about an hour of constant tears flowing down my face, my phone rang. When I looked to see who it was my crying turned to a smile quickly. I tried to answer as if nothing was wrong with me, “Hello”.

“What was that all about?” Trey said upset.

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you working tonight?” Trey asked.

I replied pissed off, “Stop fucking asking me about work. Every time you bring it up you piss me off even more. You know what bye”. It’s so much easier to hang up on him or get mad at him then actually tell him how I feel. It’s a bad habit but I’m just so use to it. Then I go back to crying about him. When I say it like that, it sounds like I’m sabotaging my relationship with the love of my life. My phone then rings again, without looking to see who called I picked up the phone saying, “What do you want” angry.

“That’s the way we answer our phones now?” George said.

I then took the phone from my ears and looked at the screen that read Work. George is my boss and he’s one of the nicest men I’ve ever met. He’s amazing; I couldn’t think to work for anyone better. It’s embarrassing for me to have George hear me in such an unprofessional light.

I said apologizing, “I am so sorry George”.

“Don’t worry about it. What are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing sleeping” I said laughing.

“Well you’ve been requested for tonight”

“What? Who is it?”

“He isn’t a normal customer but knows he wants Christina Renee”.

“What’s his status?”

At work we have this chart to see where each customer ranks (Billionaire, Wealthy, Worth it, Qualified). I always ask before I accept a job because I don’t like surprises when it comes to working.

“Extremely Worth It”

“What does he do?”

“He’s an accountant”

“Really? Where am I going?”

“I’m not sure but he wants you to meet him at the Marriott as soon as you can”

“George you do know I don’t do certain things right?”

“Yes, I hope you wouldn’t, it’s against the rules. The guy is probably bored and wants some company”

“That better be what it is”

“If it’s not just leave. I never want you to be uncomfortable”.

I love George so much because even though we work for him he cares about our feelings. He doesn’t just make use do things because he gets paid. He makes sure you are okay first.

“I know that’s why I love you”

“Love you too, talk to you later”

“MuaH…Bye”.

I honestly didn’t want to go but I really needed to get my mind off of Trey. When I got to the hotel I asked for Mr.Thomas and the lady at the front desk gave me a key to the presidential suite. As I was in the elevator waiting for the doors to open at level 13 all I could think of was Trey. When will the day come when I get over this man? The elevator doors opened and I walked out looking for the hotel room. When I found it I knocked then let myself inside. I looked around to find no one.

I called out, “Is there anyone here?”

A voice then replied, “In the bathroom make yourself comfortable in the bed”.

This was one of the things I absolutely hated. You know what I’m here for and you tell me some shit like make yourself comfortable in the bed. My first instinct was to walk out of that hotel room. Once I put my hand on the door to leave I turned back. I have to get over Trey. I know what I’m about to do isn’t the best way to get over a man but I have to do something. I made my way into the bedroom where he had candles lit all around the room. It was romantic. I undressed to my bra and underwear lying on the bed facing the bathroom. I switched in many different positions before getting it right. After adjusting myself enough I decided to also take my bra off leaving me in a purple thong. I sat there waiting for this man to come out of the bathroom.

“What’s taking so long?” I said in a soft sexy voice.

Trey walks out the bathroom door shirtless smiling back at Christina.

To Be Continued…