(Finding Myself In You) Chapter 3: Conquering My Fears

FAN FICTION

For the last couple months, Logan has been going on morning runs to clear her mind for the big day. With tomorrow being the day, she expands her run to five miles. When Logan gets back to the apartment Ann notices that she is approaching. Ann goes through some mail and puts Logan’s mail on the counter while saying, “how was your run?”
“I did quite a bit of thinking but I don’t know if my mind feels clear,” Logan says giggling as she walks towards the elevators.
“Make sure you read the sign, don’t use the left elevator, it’s not working well. They’re supposed to come in sometime today and fix it,” Ann yells.
Those words were enough for Logan to take a few steps back as Logan’s fear of isolation starts to kick in. All she remembers being stuck in a box, and not being able to come out. If anyone even mentions any type of isolation, she will avoid it completely. As soon as those words come out of Ann’s mouth, Logan decides she rather go up a flight of steps than to get stuck in an elevator.
As she opens a door to go up the staircase, Michael walks up behind her and says, “Why are you taking the steps?”
She turns back to him with no sudden expression and says, “Ann said the elevator is acting funny so I’m taking the steps.”
“She said the left elevator is acting funny,” Michael laughs.
“Yeah, but I rather not take my chances. So, I’m taking the stairs,”
“Stop being so scared,” he says as grabs her hand and heads to the elevator.
“Michael you seriously don’t get it, I can’t take the elevator,” she says while pulling away.
“Nothing’s going to happen to you. I got you,” he says as he smiles at her.
They lock eyes for a quick minute before the elevator opens. Logan takes a step back afraid to walk in. Michael grabs her hand tight; Michael says. “I got you.” They both walk into the elevator and Logan turns towards the elevator doors, watching as the door closes. Her heart starts beating out of her chest, her hands start sweating, and she begins to hyperventilate. When Michael realizes it more serious than he thought. He puts his hands around her speaking directly into her ear, “you’re OK, we’re going up, nothing’s happening.” He continues pointing to the numbers moving, “look at the numbers.” Logan starts to focus her attention to the numbers as they go up one, two, three, four. She begins to calm down with every number change. Suddenly the elevator jerked and stopped at the fourth floor. In the moment her whole body feels like it’s seizing up and she can’t move. Michael starts to speak to her, but nothing is getting through to her. She remains still as a block. Michael turns her towards him and starts shaking her and calling her name multiple times. After a few minutes, she snaps back into the moment. Her worst nightmare has become her reality. She is stuck in isolation with no way to escape.

“Logan! Pay attention to me,” Michael says. “Listen to my voice. Logan look at me.”
“Michael why are we not moving?” Logan says looking around the elevator as if there was some way that she can get out.
“The elevator is broken. I spoke to someone and they’re going to get us out of here as soon as possible”
“Michael, I can’t be stuck in here! I can’t be stuck in here,” Logan says walking in circles frantic.
Michael grabs each of her hands and holds them tight, “Logan I got you…take deep breaths.”
“I can’t be stuck in here,” Logan mentions again.
“Just listen to my voice, follow what my voice is telling you to do,” Michael says with a smile. “Take deep breaths, in and out.”
Logan begins to follow Michael’s voice and repeats everything he says. She tries to control her thoughts. She finally pulls it together until she starts thinking deep again and says, “I’m going to die in here. I don’t want to die alone.”
“Look at me! You’re not dying and you’re not alone. I’m right here. If you can’t see me listen to my voice. I am here and I’m not going anywhere I’m in here with you. We are both stuck in here together. Whatever happens to you will happen to me.”
After about 20 minutes of consoling Logan, Michael finally gets her to calm down. Now she’s in a corner rocking back-and-forth playing with their fingers as Michael is talking to the firefighters. Once they’re off the call Michael goes in the corner with Logan and sits as close as he can. “I’m back, Micheal says, I’m right here with you.”
Logan doesn’t say a word she just sits there silently rocking back and forth. Michael sits directly in front of her and curls up just like her and places his hands-on top of hers. For a few moments he just sits there holding her hand then he slowly let’s her hand go to move her head up to look into her eyes. He notices Logan’s forehead and face is drenched with sweat. Unbothered by the sweat, Michael places his head slowly to hers. When he finally gets her attention, he speaks to her calmly and slowly. There’s no space between them for her to avoid and ignore him. The words that come out of his mouth directly fall into hers and she’s forced to listen.
“Listen to my voice,” Michael says.
Logan doesn’t respond or even acknowledge Michael; she’s just rocking back-and-forth and Michael grabs her hand again and turns her face to look directly into his eyes. She still has tears slowly falling down her face. Michael wipes each eye and says, tell me something about yourself that no one else knows
Finally, Logan is looking directly at him as tears fall down her face again as Michael slowly wipes them away
I’m waiting and don’t say you’re scared of small spaces, Michael says with a smile
Logan stops rocking back-and-forth takes a deep breath then says, I’ve always wanted to just go to the islands and sit and watch the tides on the beach
That’s good, that’s what I want you to think about, you and me on the beach together watching the tides. We’re not in the elevator, we’re on the beach together, close your eyes and just think of that.
Logan tries her best to focus on Michael. She starts to breathe really hard, but Michael grabs her hand tighter and says, think of the tides. She takes a deep breath and she starts thinking about the island with her and Michael together sipping from coconuts laughing and enjoying life. For a few moments she even imagined him holding her in the room in the most romantic way. As she is imagining him about to kiss her the elevator doors open, and she quickly opens her eyes. Michael turns around in complete shock, stands up and then lifts Logan from the ground. it’s all over, he says as he pulls her out of the elevator. I told you it’s just you and me nothing was going to happen to you as long as I’m here. As Logan feels the fresh air from the hallway, she takes a deep breath and snaps out of her daze. When she realizes that she’s no longer on the elevator she looks around takes another breath and then a sigh of relief as she hugs Michael as tight as she can, thank you she says, “thank you so much.”
Michael hugs her back and says, “I didn’t do anything, it was all you, you conquered your fear all I did was stand here and talk to you, but you did all the hard work. You believed in yourself and you got out of it safe.”
Turner comes running through the front doors of the building, with a concerned look on his face. Once he gets a visual of Logan, he runs up to her and says, “are you OK?”
“I’m fine,” she says she looks at Turner, “how did you know I was stuck in the elevator?”
Ann called me when the elevator stopped. I was at work, but I left immediately. I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier.
“It’s fine,” Logan says, “there’s nothing you could’ve done anyway. You came all the way up here because I was stuck in an elevator?”
“Yes, of course I came . If you need me I’m going to be here for you, you should know that by now,” Turner says.
“What happened? How are you able to handle it all?”
Logan turns and looks at Michael saying, “My neighbor Michael was in the elevator with me. He really helped me through it all. I thought I was literally going to die and he brought me back to life.”
“Thank you, for taking care of her,” Turner says.
Michael doesn’t say anything he just nods and head.
Turner slowly walks with Logan up the stairs to the eighth floor. He takes her to the house, goes into the bathroom and runs her a warm bath. Once he takes her into the bathroom, he slowly takes each piece of clothing off and tells her to step into the bathtub. She sits down in the soapy water and doesn’t say a word. It’s as if she’s not in control of her body like a zombie. He turns around so he can wash her from head to toe.
After her bath he gets her dressed and carries her to bed like a scared young child. He puts her down gently then he gently curls up next to her. As their bodies meet her body seems to relax. She feels comfortable with Turner. The next morning, she wakes up with Turner lying next to her. Their usual routine has now been reunited. There’s a comforting feeling when Turner is next to her.

FAN FICTION

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Analyzing R. Kelly Interview with Gayle King on CBS News

R. Kelly finally breaks his silence following his arrest on sexual abuse charges in an interview with CBS This Morning co-host, Gayle King. Parts of the 80-minute interview have aired and people are choosing sides. Everyone wants to know, “Did R. Kelly Do It?”

R. Kelly is being charged with 10 counts of aggravated sexual abuse relating to misconduct with four women, three of whom were underage at the time of their alleged assaults. In January 2019, Lifetime premiered Surviving R. Kelly, a six-part docuseries that detailed the allegations against Kelly. It featured accounts from multiple women who say they escaped Kelly’s “cult” and interviews with some of the women’s parents. Amongst interviews are Jocelyn Savage and Azriel Clary’s parents. Who believe Kelly is holding their daughters against their will or have brainwashed them. Again, Robert Kelly has denied everything.

Below, we have analyzed some red flags and potential behavioral patterns of batterers that stood out during this interview.

RED FLAG #1: R. Kelly says, “Rescue someone that doesn’t need rescuing cause they’re not in my house.” However, a video soon to follow shows him confessing to his relationships with 23-year-old Jocelyn Savage and 21-year-old Azriel Clary. According to their parents, the two young women need to be rescued. The question is, are they in the house or not? If they are in the house willingly, why won’t they talk to their parents?

RED FLAG #2: He’s stated that he doesn’t know what a cult is, which is problematic. If he doesn’t know what a cult is, how can he be sure that he doesn’t have one?

RED FLAG #3: When speaking on the docuseries, Surviving R. Kelly, Kelly says, “Everyone said something bad about me. Nobody said nothing good. They were describing Lucifer.” It is true that the women addressed R. Kelly and Robert as two different people. Most of the women said great things about R. Kelly, and described Robert as Lucifer in the sense that he’s a charismatic charmer that sings his way into people’s hearts. Before delving into Robert’s sexual behaviors, they spoke A LOT about R. Kelly being a sweet and caring man who would give the world to the people around him, but when Robert takes over, it’s scary.

RED FLAG #4: When R. Kelly starts crying, I can’t say that I don’t think he’s hurting. However, I do believe that his tears stem from a different source of pain. Think for a second. Have you ever witnessed a man cry when he realizes something in his life is being taken from him? Most times, men don’t cry because they feel bad. They cry because they’ve been caught or don’t know how to fix the problem. He feels like shit because he is now realizing everything he did in the past and the present is catching up with him. He can’t find an escape route. This is my perception of R. Kelly’s pain.

EXAMPLE: Society for the most part, doesn’t accept underage dating and it’s illegal. In some states, parents can sign their children over to a spouse from the age of sixteen. Also, there are men in certain neighborhoods that prey on younger, more vulnerable women. It makes them seem more manly to have young women chasing after them. If R. Kelly surrounds himself by a crowd of people that encourage his actions, why would he change? At that point, neither the law nor outside opinions matter to him. Who is going to finally stand up and tell R. Kelly, “No”? What consequences will he face? Consider this as you listen to his outbursts.

He uses the words, “ABDUCTED, RAPED, and CHAINED” when describing women that really need help. Again, the women that are in his alleged “cult” are technically not being held against their will, but if the allegations are correct, he has psychologically brainwashed them. They may not be in physical bondage, but they’re definitely in bondage.

RED FLAG #5: I believe that R. Kelly truly thinks his behaviors, minor or extreme, are unproblematic. It’s actually pretty scary to watch/hear because R. Kelly is far from the first who hasn’t comprehended their wrongdoing, nor will he be the last.

He even speaks about arresting himself if his daughters were said to be enduring the same abuse that he’s allegedly guilty of. WHAT??? I can’t! Help him PLEASE!!!

RED FLAG #6: R. Kelly says, “How come it was okay for me to see them until they wasn’t getting no money from me…What kind of a father, what kind of mother would sell their daughter to a man?”

He still doesn’t fully understand what he’s saying. He literally admitted to buying two young women from their parents. If he did purchase these young women, keep in mind that Azriel Clary was 17-year-old when they met. Clary is now 21-years-old and according to Kelly, the two are now in a romantic relationship. If that’s the case, is he expecting people to believe that he waited until she was 18-years-old to legally engage in sexual intercourse with her? If there was no sexual intercourse between the two, was romance a NO altogether? This whole damn scenario is messed up. R. Kelly should not be dating or interested in anyone younger than 21-years-old. He needs help ASAP.

“An emotionally abusive partner will systematically and intentionally try to separate the victim from their external network of support: friends, family, co-workers, clergy. This is designed to make the victim solely dependent upon the abuser and to decrease the likelihood that others will witness the abuse. The more a victim is isolated, the harder it is for them to be connected to the resources they need to escape the relationship.” ― Ferentz HUFFPOST

Recognizing the Signs: I’m not sure if anyone else picked up on this, but R. Kelly shows many signs that are common of an abuser.

Sign 1: He talked over King every time she spoke. This shows that he is used to controlling a conversation. Also, he stood up and started yelling, which is a sign of a verbal and emotional abusers. They use their dominance to show people that they’re in charge.

Sign 2: He wouldn’t take responsibility for any of his actions.

“It’s extremely rare for an emotionally abusive partner to take responsibility for his or her behavior. Their tactic is to project responsibility or fault onto their partner. They will deceptively twist reality, distort the truth or outright lie to make the case that their partner is to blame. The subject matter becomes irrelevant as the emotionally abusive partner sidesteps responsibility at all cost.” ― Carol A. Lambert, psychotherapist and author of Women With Controlling Partners HUFFPOST

I’m sure there are other things that I didn’t catch. If you can identify any other signs or red flags that you’re willing to discuss, comment below!

NEW VIDEO: Cardi B – Be Careful

Rapper Cardi B released the music video for be careful a song debuted on her Invasion of Privacy album. The song is a woman venting about dealing with a cheating man and how the man changed since he has gotten more popularity.

In the video Cardi gets married in a beautiful white dress with layered pearl necklaces around her neck with long platinum gray hair. I definitely got Madonna’s Like a Virgin 80’s vibes with Cardi’s bride look. Later in the video her husband dies and she has his funeral in the same church they got married in. It is displayed that her love turned to hate because of the behaviors of her unfaithful husband. I enjoyed the creativity of the video, again it reminds me of something Madonna would have done. Check out the video below and tell me what you think.

MuaH!

ThatGurlDomo

(FULL INTERVIEW) BIANCA BONNIE TALKS HER MUSIC AND RELATIONSHIPS

O: What made you want to pursue a career in the entertainment industry?
B: Well, music was always my passion, since I was a kid. It’s just something I wanted to do since I was young.
O: What part of the entertainment industry do you enjoy the most?
B: I actually like creating the music the most. Just writing it and being able to deliver it in the studio.
O: Do you have a preferred place you go to, in order to write your music?
B: When I’m on the train or traveling [on] Amtrak or the plane. Anytime I’m traveling or in the car or riding for long distance, I come up with songs quick. Sometimes when I’m in the shower [it’s just] random weird places I’ll think of the music.

O: How did you becoming apart of the Love and Hip-Hop cast come about?
B: They actually reached out to me in a DM, so I guess [when they do that] their casting. They reached out to cast me.
O: Did you enjoy being on the show? Would you do it again?
B: As of right now, I feel like I want to continue to stay with the network, with the brand. Eventually I’ll branch off and do my own thing.

O: Has your experience on the show been positive or negative?
B: I wouldn’t say it has been positive, I’ll just say its [had an impact]. The show is good for gaining attraction and that’s what I want to do because after ‘chicken little soup’ people didn’t really know where I [went] with my career. The show helps me gain more exposure. I’m still growing and building as an artist so [its] just a stepping stone for my next big move.
O: Would you recommend reality shows to individuals that may be interested in reality television? Do you think it’s a good platform?
B: I can’t tell people what a good platform for them will be, they would have to want to do that themselves. It was good for me because the show gets you millions of views and followers every Monday. That’s good for me because the way I brand myself the things I do outside of the show collectively adds to that, but it may not be good for everyone and their brand.
O: Who has inspired you through your journey with music?
B: I can’t say anyone inspired me but just the struggle and poverty from where I [grew up]. Just being from Harlem from New York in the hood that inspired me. I have family and friends that I do this for. Its not about me. I do this because its way out of where I’m from and its something I’m good at. [I can also make a lot of money].

O: Are there any news you would like to give your fans?
B: Yeah right now [10 plus and Cherry Lounge my albums are] out. Its available for streaming and downloading all over the world; worldwide distribution. I’m working on a new mixtape which should be dropping the end of April early may called “Queen of Harlem Vol. 1”. I’m on a web series, which is really big called “Respect Life”. Basically, I’m going to be dropping some visuals for my fans.
O: Do you believe that society should embrace the other forms of romantic relationships?
B: To each is own. Everyone should just live life and be happy and do whatever they feel like doing. You can’t knock someone for doing what they want to do. I feel everyone should [be in whatever type of] relationship they want. Your only on this earth for a short period of time.
O: What are your view on cheating?
B: I feel like cheating should absolutely not be accepted but if you get in a relationship and you already know, like some men get into a relationship knowing this woman has a man and some women get into relationships know a man has a woman. So, you already know what you’re getting into, but if you get into a relationship and you have communication and understanding that yall together. I think that unacceptable. If you want to cheat you should just be single.
O: What do you want your legacy to be?
B: I’m still growing and building. I’m still very young. I’m not sure what I want my legacy to be. I have to get married, have kids all that stuff. My husband will be apart of my legacy. It’s just so many things that I have to do, that I haven’t done yet that I don’t even know that question yet.

 

Chapter 10: Its Because I Love You (The Real Me)

Christina

After my altercation with Omar, I now know, it is time for me to get away. I pack my bags and head straight to the airport. Back home is the best place for me right now, I ran away for a long time, but it seems to always give me relief when I go back. Not permanently, but to clear my head. My destination is Los Angeles California. There, I have a different life. One that I tried so hard to escape. Sometimes it’s just good to see your loved ones, to remind you of the importance in life. Although I won’t be spending, too much time there, I still want to see them. I plan to stay at the Lorder Hotel, for about a month. I could just go to the apartment that I have there. This is the one place Omar, can never seem to pinpoint me unless, I was staying with my parents.

I head to the hotel and check in. I don’t have to do much, because of my family. They’re just always glad to have me stay there. That’s why they allow me to use a different surname. All to ensure I can keep some form of privacy. Now that I’m thinking about it, that’s probably the reason Omar can never find me. The manager at the hotel is super sweet, and really makes a girl feel welcomed. Once I check in, I go to my room and take a long hot shower. As I’m standing in the shower for a bit, the phone starts to ring. After I ignore the first two rings, it continues. Irritated I turn off the water, step out of the shower, and dry off while heading to the phone. When I pick it up, the voice on the other end says in an accusatory tone, “when were you going to tell me you’re in town?”

Rolling my eyes, as I look at the phone, “Mom I literally just landed, how do you even know I’m here?”

My mother replies, “As smart as you are, sometimes I feel like I dropped you on your head at some point. Who’s paying for your hotel?”

“Goodbye mom”, I say as I get ready to hang up the phone.

“No, I’m sorry sweetheart”, she says in time to stop me from pressing the end button. Putting the phone back to my ear, hearing the silence, she knows that she can continue, “Your father and I want you to come over for dinner. I’m making all of your favorites.”

“You didn’t even know, I was coming. How are you making all my favorites?”, I ask crossing my arms awaiting her clever response.

“I just had Lora go to the store, to buy all your favorite foods. Even though, I wish you would stay here, instead of going to one of those hotels”, she says disappointed. “Do you know how embarrassing it is, to have the manager of one hotel that you donate to, call you and say that your daughter is staying there?”

“No mom, I don’t know…tell me how embarrassing it is?”, I say waiting for her to respond.

“Sorry sweetheart, I’m just saying”, she says trying to make herself sound sincere continuing, “And your brother misses you, he really wants to see you.”

“That’s funny because, I haven’t gotten a phone call from him ever”, I say sarcastically.

“Who’s the oldest sibling? I think you should be calling him”, she states. This is the moment where my mom tries to make me feel bad, for not being the big sister that they expect me to be.

“Here we go again, bye mom”, I throw my hands up, and shake my head.

“Will I be seeing you tonight?”, my mother asked right before ending our lovely conversation.

“Yes mother, I’ll come tonight for dinner”, I respond trying to get her off the phone.

“Now was that so hard, love you sweetheart see you later”, she says.

I’m upset the manager called my mother. That’s never happened before. Which must mean that my mother, has been searching for me for a while, and has everyone on the lookout. I hate when she does things like this. This is why I moved to New York, in the first place, to get away from all this. To start my own life, and make my own money, and do what I want to do.

I get dressed and head out on the town. My first destination is to my friend Dana, owner of Dana’s diner. Originally owned by her parents, was handed down to her when she graduated college. At first, they started off with only one diner but now she managed to expand the business to four different locations. One in San Diego, San Francisco, San Jose, and Los Angeles. The diner, named after Dana herself is well known to be the haven for celebrities to get a quick bite. It’s also known for catering exclusive events. If you ask anyone in California, they must know about Dana’s.

My father was in the military for Twenty years. Once he got out, my parents used all the funds they’ve saved and put it into their dream, a PR company. Just like Dana, I was supposed to take control of my parents’ business, but I have different plans. My parents are well known in the entertainment industry for PR in consulting work. In the beginning they started off small, with just a few clients. Then they got their big break when they worked with Jay Z. After that, business started booming for them. Their life became everything they’ve hoped for, but I had no interest in taking over the business, its boring to me. I know many people would consider working with celebrities an honor but, I’ve been around it my whole life. I can’t see myself doing this, for the rest of my life. My decision has brought them so much anger, to know that I did everything in my power to steer away from the family business. Although in my eyes, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal because, I’m adopted. My younger brother however, is their biological child. I know, I shouldn’t say it like that but, I think he deserves to have the business more than I do, and if you ask him, I guarantee he would say the same thing.

Once I arrive at what I knew to be the diner, I recognized nothing. The only marker left to show me that, I was in the right place sat on top of the storefront. There it is, “Dana’s” written in big letters. Definitely not the old storefront, that I’m used to, a brand new one with cursive italic words. A smile appears on my face when I look at the sign, then I walk into the diner and look around. To see a brand new renovated restaurant. It was bright and lively, with all the bodies that sat inside. I still feel the same energy as before. but with a more modernized feel. I had no doubt that Dana would, make this place her own, and that’s exactly what she did. I’m so proud of her. I spoke to her assistant earlier this morning, and she told me that Dana would possibly be at the Los Angeles location, for meetings. Although she has other locations, Los Angeles is home to her, so that’s where her office remains.

Walking to the main counter, where there is a young blonde girl taking orders, over the phone. When she spots me, she smiles and I could see her mouth saying, ” give me a minute”. I smile at her, indicating for her to take her time. I sat down on the first stool I spotted, patiently awaiting her assistance. As I get comfortable, looking around I’m drawn to the menu on the table. Looking through the menu, I see triple the amount of entrées that were once available for customers. Just reading through the menu, begins to make me hungry. Dana is definitely doing her thing with these diners. My eyes are glued to the menu, I hear the sound of heels clicking on the floor, getting closer. I look to put a face to the noise. As I look up I see Dana talking to one of her employees, close to the kitchen area. I quickly put down the menu and hop up off of the stool. Walking over to her, where her back is facing me and I interrupt, ” excuse me ma’am

Dana

Dana stops and turns around. Before she could speak a smile appears on her face, and she hugs me tight, “OMG, What are you doing here?”, she says before letting me go.

” I just thought it was time, to come home for a little bit.”

” yeah?! I know what  that means, there’s way more to the story than that”, she says crossing her arms.

I don’t respond, I just put my head down and cover my face with my left hand. I can never lie to her. That’s when she says, ” don’t worry about it we have enough time to get into the details”, she then looks back at her employee and says, “James we’ll finish this later”, he nodded his head and walks away then she turn back to me and continues, “OK so how are you?”

“I’m not sure I’m as good as you’re doing”, I say as I look around the diner smiling

“Oh you mean this old place, I only did a few renovations”, she says.

She guides us to sit in a booth that is across from where we are standing. As we sit down she looks at me for a few moments before speaking again, “I can’t believe you’re actually here”.

I think when I moved, the person that took it the hardest was Dana. Although she didn’t verbally tell me exactly how she felt. I knew that me moving was going to strongly impact her life. As I said before we did everything together, she was my backbone. She knew everything that was going on in my household and she knew how I felt. She never judged me or made me feel like less of a person, she was always there for me. As I sit down looking in her eyes, and she just stares back at me. I can see the happiness but I can also see the hurt in her eyes. I know I’d love to say, Victoria’s my best friend, but while I’m sitting here with Dana, I realize that this is going to remind me, of what a best friend really is. No secrets, no lies, just loyalty and love. I reach out and hold Dana’s hands, ” I needed to get away from the New York life, it was draining me.”

“I can imagine.”

“It Just feels good to be back here, with my real family.”

“So you know what this means right?”

“Oh yes! It’s been forever since we partied together and tonight is the night”, she said before she continues, ” I already have a table, with a few ladies. I would love for you to join us. I take that back you will be joining us”, she said demanding.

“Oh I should’ve been prepared for this.”

” I agree, but we still have time to get you out of it”, she said before she popped up from the table then saying, “I have a lot of meetings to do today, so I gotta go. But I will see you at 10.”

After leaving the diner, I drove around LA, for a bit before heading to my parents house. Entering into the compound, I knew that I would have to become a different person. Those few moments slowly dragging by as I park my car in front of my parents house. This is what people call anxiety at its best. I have no idea why This happens to me every time I go home. Taking a few moments to collect my thoughts, then getting out of the car. As I look around, everything looks exactly the same way I left it. I guess mom wanted everything to remain the same. As I’m reconnecting with the environment, I hear the front door open, turning around I spot my brother Jordan, standing at the double doors. Before actually walking up to him, we look at one another for a few moments in silence. Until he finally broke his intimidating frown, and walk down the steps to hug me.

Jordan

“What made you, decide to come back home?”, he says before letting go of me.

“I’m not coming back home, I’m just visiting.”

“However you want to say it, what made you decide to visit us?”

“I thought it was well overdue.”

“I could’ve told you that”, he says walking back up the steps to the front door, then turning back at me to say, “are you just gonna stand there, or are you going to come in the house? You’re not a stranger”. I don’t respond I just follow behind him, into the house closing the door behind myself.

Our huge chandelier, hung from the ceiling, as bright as can be. The steps meet like a bridge, from both ends of the wall. Beneath it was a walkway giving access to the kitchen. The floor and steps are marble and the walls are painted tan. My mother is all about elegance, everything in our house, is made to perfection for the eyes of our viewers. My mother was a woman of class and opinion. As opinionated as she is, she made sure her house was always setting the standard, for any possible guest that may be passing through. I continue walking into the house, making my way to the kitchen, where everyone is standing around the table. As I entered the room, all eyes turn to me. My father eventually pulls out the seat next to him, indicating for me to come sit down. I smile and walk over to the seat, gently sitting down and looking back at him. He smiles as he pushes my chair in. Sitting down next to me, as he looks at my mother who is sitting directly across from him, though i was so close to her, I wouldn’t look directly into my mother’s eyes. We all were around the table, staring at one another. This is the norm in my house, everything is always completely awkward until someone breaks the silence. Multiple times than none, it’s my father. For some reason he actually believes he’s funny, although super corny it’s just what we need, to get the family talking.

“So Christina, i hear you’re popping in the streets these days?”

I slowly turn my head to make direct eye contact, “what?”

“What’s Poppin?!” my dad says, hoping to get a laugh out of someone.

“Dad no”, I reply, but he just looks at me as if he did nothing wrong, that’s when I continue, “please don’t say that again”. He’s still looking at me wondering why. My brother, just shakes his head, and grinned the entire time.

“Can someone just say grace, so that I can start eating please?”, mother said with a complete attitude.

“I’ll Say grace”, Jordan says smiling as he puts his hand out for my parents to hold them. My father displayed a great smile as he placed his left hand, on top of my brothers right hand. My mother gracefully smiled and placed her hand upon my brothers right hand, and held it tight. I followed up and held both my mother, and my father’s hand. Together we are binded, and sharing this moment to acknowledge Christ, and what he means to us. We slowly followed up with, the bowing of our heads and closing our eyes. A few moments pass, and my brother begins praying, “heavenly father, we thank you for allowing us to be together again. For my sister to come back home and have dinner with us, like old times. Heavenly father I pray we enjoy our meal and thank our mother for the wonderful job she did with the food. Amen”. We all repeat Amen, before opening our eyes.

“Thank you son, for blessing the food, Now let’s dig in”, my mother says proudly.

As the food is being distributed, my mother took no time to begin her interrogation, “So, what’s the real reason for this reunion?”

“There wasn’t supposed to be a reunion, but you insisted that I come over here. So technically that’s the real reason for the reunion.”

“You will watch your tone when your in this house”, my father interjected as he pointed his fork in my direction, ” do you understand me?”

“Yes, I understand.”

After we got through our awkward stage, we had a nice family dinner. We laugh, joke, and talk about all the things that I’ve missed while I haven’t been around. My father wants to hear about everything that I’ve been doing in New York. My mother acting as if she’s engaged, but try to hold back her obnoxious comments. My brother asking question after question is if he just found his best friend. I’m glad we could sit down and have this amazing meal together, but the truth is always the same. After dinner I head to what was my old bedroom. Everything looks exactly the same. I take a shower, to get ready for my interesting night with Dana.

I put the finishing touches to my outfit, looking at myself in the mirror, and smiling at what I see. I’m wearing a, long sleeve, tight fitted, one piece suit made of metallic silver. I could see every curve in the mirror. I topped it with my favorite black stiletto heels. My hair is pinned up in a neat bun, accentuating my bone structure. I added an elegant pearl earring.

The next thing I know, Dana barges in my room, making a grand entrance, ” The queen has arrived”. She takes one look at me, begins yelling out as she skips over to me, ” that’s my best friend, that’s my best friend, you betta”, she said as she walked around me clapping. She knows exactly what to say to give me hyped up. As I listen to her chanting and clapping, I start dancing and twerking in front of her. She says laughing, ” I swear we think alike”, I say as I look her up and down. She’s wearing an all black long sleeve one piece.

As we stepped outside, still laughing, I see an all black Escalade sitting in front of the door, with a man in a suit waiting with his hands folded. We stepped down the steps and straight into the black vehicle.

I’m very surprised to see that Dana had a driver, she was always the type to want to driver self around. I guess a lot has changed since I’ve left, hopefully for the better. The drive to the club, didn’t have much talking. Dana just kept pouring champagne and drinking, bump into the music. I won’t lie, I took a few sips of champagne and vibe to the music, but I was more worried about what I was going to see once I got into the club. When we pulled up to the front of the club, the driver open the door for us. I smiled at him as I got out and Dana followed. There was tight rope on two sides, leading to the entrance way by the red carpet. On the side there are lines wrapped around the building with people waiting to get in. As usual we just step to the front, Dana hugs the bouncer before both of us walk in. As we step into the club, it’s full wall-to-wall people. A young lady that works there, guides Dana and I to our table. The table is sort of, in front of the stage but secluded from the rest of the club. The young lady moves the tight rope for us to sit down. Already at the table there were about four women. I have never met anyone of these ladies before. When they saw Dana’s face, they all got excited and rushed up to hug her. I just found a comfortable seat and sat down, while Dana interacted with her associates. As I’m pouring myself some champagne, Dana introduces her associates to me. I smile and nod my head as if I’m totally interested, in meeting them.

“Hi! Dana talks about you all the time”, One of the young lady says and she hugs me tight. I’m a little thrown off by her enthusiasm. The other young lady follows up and hugs me also, but doesn’t say anything but smile. Where the hell did Dana find these, goofy ass girls. They’re cute, but nothing about them really stands out to me. After the introduction, I make my way to the dance floor. On my third glass of champagne it begins to kick in. I began dancing my life away, that’s when I noticed an attractive male staring at me as I dance. I know, I said that I wouldn’t focus on men while in LA, but the way he staring at me, makes me want to rethink things a bit. I break eye contact with him and get Dana’s attention to join me on the dance floor, but she was preoccupied with some other guy. I can’t fully make out what he looks like. After spending a few moments trying to get her attention, I decided to walk over to her to realize that she’s talking to my brother Jordan. I’m a bit confused, because Jordan was in the house when I left. When did he have time to get ready? And why is Dana and him so close to one another? A bunch of thoughts begin roaming through my head.

As I approach them, I simply ask, ” Jordan what the hell are you doing here?”

He turns around with the irritating smile he always gives me, “The same reason you’re here”

“I’m here, because my best friend…”, I say with an attitude. But as I repeat the words back to myself, I realize something didn’t seem right. I turn to Dana and ask her, ” what is he doing here?”

“To party, like the rest of us”, she says naïvely”

As I attempt to interrogate them some more. A man reaches from behind me, and grab the champagne bottle. Due to my irritation, with my brother already being here. I’m not ready to have anyone that close to me. As I turn around to give him a piece of my mind, I realize it’s the man that was staring at me on the dance floor. For some reason in that moment, the words couldn’t fully come out. I just began blushing, like a little girl. He says nothing, just pours the champagne, while staring at me. He smiles as he hands me the glass, reaching over me once more, to grab another, then pours it directly in front of me. Putting down the champagne bottle and holding up our glass, we clinch our glass together. He nods his head and smiles, then takes a sip of champagne. Throughout our entire interaction, he says nothing, just looks at me with that smile. I don’t know, what came over me. I lean in and kiss him, lasting for a A few moments, I step back in shock of my behavior. I can tell in his eyes, that he was just as surprised. He just picks up his glass, and takes another sip. I’m not sure why he’s not talking, but the silence is doing something to me. I enjoy the rest of the night. I’m glad, that I came out with Dana. Although I’m still skeptical about her and Jordan.

The next morning, I wake up with my head pounding. Should’ve known, this is how I’m going to feel, after my third drink. When things in the room became blurry, I didn’t stop, just kept on going. Drinking with an attractive man, that I’ve yet to get his name. The way I behaved last night, is unlike anything that I’ve done before. With escorting, I never have to do much, but be there and smile. Last night I put forth effort, to impress this man. Why? I still don’t have the answer. Attempting to get up a few times, but my body will not allow me to. As I lay in the bed staring at the ceiling, I reach over to the side table, picking up the phone then I press 9, to call the front desk. The phone rings a couple times before someone answers, “Hello, my name is Seth. This is the front desk, how may I help you?”, says the voice on the other end. Still laying in the same position, I say, “Can I get a vegetable omelet, with toast and coffee please…to room 56”. The man says politely, “No problem, it will be up to you shortly”.

“Thank you”, I say before hanging up the phone. Staring at the wall once again, finally force myself to get up. Slowly leaning up to sit at the edge of the bed. Taking a couple of deep breaths, then going to the bathroom. Turning on the warm water, I undress, it takes me forever to finally get my clothes off. Then step into the shower, one foot at a time. Standing underneath the shower for a while, feels amazing. When I begin to feel myself fall asleep, I quickly wash myself up and step out the shower. Grab the robe I have hanging on the bathroom door. While in the bedroom, I begin to lather myself with my scented lotion. I hear a knock at the door. Finishing up my lathering, I head to the door. When I open it, there is a male standing in front of me, with a cart. Stepping aside to indicate for him to come in, he roles the cart into the room, stopping midpoint and turns back to look at me.

“Is there something else I can help you with?”, he says to me with a smile.

“No! That will be all”, I reply with a smile.

He nods his head and says, “Okay!  Have a good day”. Then walks out of the room.

“You too”, I say as I close the door behind him.

Later, I decide to meet with Dana at her diner. Once I step into the diner, I realize that the diner is packed. I look around for a moment, trying to find a table to sit at. I notice my brother in the back of the diner, sitting at a booth. As I make my way over to him, I realize he’s sitting with someone else. I can’t make out the persons face. Once I get close enough, I realize it’s the guy from last night. I instantly feel a rush going through my body. I don’t want him to see me, I embarrassed myself during our last encounter. How is he going to look at me? All the thoughts roll through my mind at the same time, that I don’t realize that I have made it to their table.

Jordan looks at me confused, “Wassup?”

“I could ask you the same thing”, I say with my hand on my hips.

Jordan interjects with confidence, “This is our spot, remember you have been gone for a while.”

I reply, “Well I’m back now so…”

I look over at this handsome male, who is now staring at me, like he did on the dance floor. I try hard to be cute, then I smile at him, “I’m sorry, I don’t think we formally introduced ourselves”

Michael

“I’m Michael”, he says in the most pleasant voice.

“Christina”, I say moments after him. I then ask him, “Are you friends with my younger brother?”

“Yeah! He’s aight”, he replies.

“How old are you?”, I ask.

“Not as young as you maybe thinking”, he says smiling.

We both are playing this attention game. He won’t give in and I won’t either. I can stare at him all day. He has a natural swag, that I can’t put in exact words. Dana comes from her office and joins us at the booth.

“You made it! How you feeling?”, she ask me giggling.

“Im okay now”, I say with a slight grin. As my memory begins to come back to me, I try to interrogate Dana again, “Why were you and Jordan so close to one another, last night?”. I can tell everyone at the table wants to ignore me, but I continue, “I don’t get why you two were so intimate”. Jordan gets irritated with all my question, that he interrupts the conversation to say, “Dana’s my girl”, he then grabs her by the waist and smiles. Dana quickly pushes away from him and says, “not here”, she starts looking around to make sure no one is looking.

“Im sorry, did you say your girl?”, I ask calmly.

Jordan smiles and looks at Dana. Dana won’t even look at me.

“Eeeewwwwww!!! When did this happen?”, I ask Dana.

“I don’t know, a while”, Dana says trying to play it off.

At this point I’m boiling, suddenly Michael grabs my hand and say, “Let’s get out of here”. We both make our way out of the restaurant, and into Michael’s car that is waiting outside.

TO BE CONTINUED…

FAN FICTION!!!!! 💋

Cheating with Multiple People or One Person???

(It’s Because I Love You) Chapter 9 – Victoria Has Good News

VICTORIA

I know it’s absolutely ridiculous, that I can even be upset with him. I’m pissed off with the both of them. I don’t have a good reason but I am. Victoria standings in front of me telling me all this and she wants me to be happy. Why exactly would I be happy? Then again she doesn’t even know. I wonder if I should tell her? But if I tell her would she think different of me? She would probably call me a liar and a backstabber. I don’t know if she would ever trust me again.

“Christina are you even listening to me?”, Victoria asks as she snaps her finger in my face. I quickly snap back to the conversation, “My bad I was thinking about something else”. She shook her head and drops herself onto the couch, “Well can you please come back to earth, because I really need your help to make a decision”. This is the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard in my life. She wants me to help her make a decision, on whether she should move in with my man. I have no right to say my man but that’s the way it has always been. “Okay, do you really want to move in with him?”. Victoria is silent for a second before actually responding to me, “I think I do. I don’t know what it is, about him he makes me feel different. I wasn’t looking to feel anything but I do. I don’t want to make a dumb mistake but he’s pulling in every word. I’ve never been so valuable to anyone. Christina you don’t even understand, this shit got me twisted. Embarrassing for me to say out loud”.

CHRISTINA

She said this shit got her twisted, This shit got me twisted. Victoria is a woman, who doesn’t fall for anyone. Has now fallen in love with Omar. I really wish this is a joke she’s playing.

“Damnit Christina, are you even listening to me? Every time that you’re complaining about Trey, I listen. Even when I think what you’re saying is dumb, I still listen. Now I’m dealing with this shit and you keep tuning out. I find that very disrespectful”, she says that she gets up off the couch and stands directly in front of me.

“I promise you I’m not doing it intentionally, but I have a lot going on right now. I promise I’m listening”, I said trying to convince her continuing, “If you feel like that’s the best decision for you, then follow your heart. Don’t do it with the intention that you’re going to get something out of it. Just be genuine”. My began phone ringing. When I look at the screen, a smile appeared on my face. I quickly pick up the phone and respond with complete excitement, “Hey what’s up?”. The voice on the other end of the phone spoke, “I was just thinking about you and thought I’d call. I miss you already, maybe I overreacted maybe we can figure something out”. I’m listening to him speak smiling inside, then I look over at Victoria and a smile appears on my face, again. I then respond, “Oh really, that sounds great but I can’t talk right now. Victoria is over here giving me the best news”. The voice on the other end of the phone didn’t speak again. There’s silence on the phone for a couple seconds before I respond, “You too bye”. I’m laughing inside because I know what happens next. Omar is going to show up at my house. He’s going to try to convince me that what I have been told is far from the truth. He’s going to beg me to forgive him. I’ve played this game so many times and I’m ready for it this time.

“Who was that?”, Victoria ask as she flips through her phone. I just put my phone down and respond, “ my nosy ass cousin, that girl is so annoying”. Victoria looks up at me, “Your mother’s sisters daughter?”. I just quickly respond, “Yeah that one”.

“Back to what I was saying, should I do it?”, Victoria asks again. I know she only wants to hear one answer so I just tell her what she wants to hear, “Of course you should move in with him”. She jumps up off the couch and hug me ridiculously tight, “I knew you would give me the best advice”, she said as she grabs her things and run out of the front door.

After she leaves, I went in the bathroom to take a long hot shower. As I’m standing underneath the scorching hot water. I begin to think about everything that’s going on. The fog from the hot water fills the entire bathroom. All the pain I’ve been feeling isn’t in my control, but being underneath the hot water is all I can control. I stand there close to what seems like an hour, crying my eyes out. All of this doesn’t seem fair. Im always tried to play my cards right, I always try to be a good person but things, of this nature, always happens to me. After giving myself time from all the crying. I finally shut the water off and step out of the tub. I made my way to my bedroom and underneath my sheets. I toss and turn for an hour to get some sleep but nothing. After getting tired in the same spot I get up and go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, hoping that would finally put me to sleep. As I turn on the stove, I heard a knock at the door. My first instinct told me to ignore it. I honestly don’t want to talk to anyone. Before I can continue, I heard rattling at the door. Speeding into the room, I grab the first shirt that I could find.

OMAR

Before I can walk back into the kitchen Omar stands right in front of me. Him appearing out of nowhere, almost makes me trip over my own foot as I step back. I forgot that Omar knows where I kept my spare key. Whenever he’s in the mood, he uses the key to let himself in and cooks for me. Whenever I have something on my mind, I eat with no guidance and Omar makes the best stress food. He makes his famous barbecue baked ribs, turkey neck collar greens, baked beans and cornbread. I always joke around telling him, he can make the perfect housewife with that kind of cooking. This is the side of Omar that many will never see. Omar and I have gotten into it so many times because of females. I have no right to get upset but I do. I’m so used to it now, that I just get upset for the steamy hot sex that occurs after our arguments. He stands in front of me are waiting for me to speak. I just act like he doesn’t exist and walk around him, to the kitchen, where the hot water is boiling on the stove. I walk over to the stove to turn it off but as I’m about to put my hand on the dial, Omar came from behind me and turns it off before I can. I can feel him breathing on my neck waiting for me utter my first words. He finally says, “Are you hungry?”. I ignore every word that came out of his mouth, reaching up into the cabinet to grab a teabag. He notices that I’m struggling so he grabs a teabag and places it in my cup and then pour the hot water on top of it. He knows how I like my tea. He finishes it up and handed it to me. Still not speaking to him, I grab my tea and took my first sip as I lean on the counter. “Are you going to at least say something?”, he says with frustration. I look at him and finally reply, “What exactly would you like me to say?”. He respond guilty, “ I don’t know, whatever you want to say, just say something”. I feel like I have the right not to speak to him. He’s the one that keeps making irrational decisions and this time its with my friend. Everything in me begin boiling so I just blurt out, “So are you really going to move in with her?”. He looks me directly in my eyes and shakes his head, “If she accepts, I have no choice but to allow her to move in. Besides I haven’t had a woman around the house in a while. I actually miss it”. Before I can even respond to his ignorance my phone rang. Omar looks at me waiting for me to make a move, so remain in the same position. After a few moments, he gets irritated and follows the ringing to finds my phone in the couch. When he picks it up the screen read Trey. I can see the anger in his face. He immediately answered the phone, “I’m gonna say this once, don’t call this number back again”. Before Trey gets a word out, Omar hangs up the phone then glances at me. “What the fuck is your problem”, I say as I rush over to him and grab my phone out of his hand continuing, “You have no fucking right to come in my house, pick up my phone and hang up on someone”. I view the last call and try to call back. As soon as the phone touches my ear he snatches the phone and ends the call. “Get out”, I try to say calmly. “I’m not going nowhere”, he says standing unapologetic in front of me. I want so bad to pick something up and hit him with it but I can’t. I just repeat myself with a more intense tone, “Get Out”. It takes everything out of me to keep my cool with this man. Eventually I’m out raged at the fact that Omar is standing in front of me refusing to leave my apartment. I don’t know what’s gotten into me but the next thing I know I had a knife in his face. As I’m standing here reflecting on the fact that I’m holding a knife in front of his face I gather my thoughts. Before I can actually put my knife down, Omar reaches in the back of his pants and pulling out his gun. Pointing it directly in my face he then says, “Christina put your knife down, this is not what you want to do right now”. The last time Omar and I went toted toe, it didn’t work out well. I’m standing here looking in his eyes. While crying my eyes out, I say once more, “Please get out”.

FICTIONAL!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…

NEW LYRIC VIDEO: VINCENT ROSS – Love Yuh

 

Vincent Ross from the YaadBwoys released a new track called “Love Yuh”. The song is about him expressing his feelings for a women he likes. Letting her know, he wants her to be his one and only. The visual shows Vincent spending time with his special woman.

At the end of the video, the last words on the screen are “To Be Continued”. I hope that means we will be getting an official video. That would be OnPoint not to mention how good Pryce Vince would look. lol

Check out the Lyric video below:

 

NEW MUSIC: Kelly Rowland – Dirty Laundry

Kelly Rowland recently released a song called “Dirty Laundry”. The song talks about how Kelly had a lot going on in her life from an abusive boyfriend to not speaking to Bey as much because of her boyfriend.

In a chat with Billboard this week, Kelly expressed that the song was emotionally exhausting and extremely difficult to record, needing almost a dozen takes to get it right. She also had to walk out of the room before the song was played during a recent listening session:

It was very emotional. It took me days to record. I had to get past being so upset and actually sing the song, not sob through it. I always hope that my music can inspire someone, the same way other artists inspire me. Dream said, ‘I want to write you a record so that people will know exactly who you are, underneath it all.

The song was a result of Kelly revealing some of her personal life to The-Dream who was able to turn her words into a great record. He tells Billboard:

What unfolds on TV or on the Internet, it’s never really that. You think it is but it’s just not. When you have a stage like Kelly has, you should talk about that part of your life. I think Kelly’s way deeper than that.

Tons of celebs took to Twitter to show their support after the song was released yesterday, including Kelly’s former bandmate Letoya Luckett, Gabrielle Union, and Tika Sumpter.

The Dream: @KELLYROWLAND …..You Are Great, Love You much. #DirtyLaundry

Lala: When you make pain look this good it never wears out… – Dirty Laundry by @Kellyrowland

Gabrielle Union: LOVE LOVE LOVE! #DirtyLaundry is a game changer… Go head girl! @kellyrowland

Jackée Harry : S/O to the beautiful @kellyrowland, who will help so many young ladies going through similar struggles referenced on #DirtyLaundry.

Letoya Luckett: #Openheart

Jeanette Jenkins: Love you! @KELLYROWLAND #DirtyLaundry is a beautiful song! You’re so strong & I’m so proud of you! Shine Mama! Xo

Tika Sumpter: #DirtyLaundry just gave me chills. Dope @KELLYROWLAND. Love. This. Record. #proud

Jordin Sparks: Dirty Laundry is so gut wrenching! I had chills up & down my entire body! Thank you for being so raw!! <3<3

Check out the Lyrics
While my sister was on stage killing it like a mother
I was enraged feelin’ it like a mother
Bird in the cage, you would never know what I was dealing
we went our separate ways but I was happy she was killing it
Bittersweet, she was up I was down.
No lie I feel good for her, but what do I do now?
Meanwhile, this n-gga putting his hands on me
swear y’all don’t know the half of this industry.Chorus
Let’s do this dirty laundry, this dirty laundry.
Let’s do this dirty laundry, this dirty laundry.
When you’re soaked in tears for years, it never airs out
When you make pain look this good it never wears out
It’s dirty laundry, dirty laundryAnd it’s almost been a decade, I’m behind them black shades
Roll up like it’s all good, riding in that Escalade
Fix my make up, get it together Kelly get it together
Then we make up, we’ll get it together, get it together
Kind of lucky I was in her shadow.
Phone call from my sister. What’s the matter?
She said Oh no, You’ve got to leave.
I’m on the kitchen floor. He took the keys
I was mad at everybody. I mean everybody.
Yea her her her, everybody
Five years later, I got my sh-t down pat.
Think I had it good and they don’t know how bad.
Fooled everybody except myself.
Soaking in this hurt, bathing in this hurt.[Chorus]So here I am in this spin cycle,
We coming and we going, nobody could notice
I was trapped in this house lying to my mama
Thought it could get no worse as we maximized the drama.
Started to call them people on him, I was battered.
He hit the window like it was me until it shattered.
He pulled me out and said “Don’t nobody love you but me
not yo mama, not your daddy and especially not Bey”
He turned me against my sister, I missed ya!

[Chorus]

I am so proud of Kelly for coming out and talking about the situation she was in. Wonderful Empowerment to women. #OnPointCeleb

Celebrity Response To Question Of The Day about Being a Loner

Domonique talks about being a loner. The Question of the day: What should you do if your talking/dating someone who enjoys being alone all the time?

Watch and Comment!!!